Spell E-X-P-L-O-I-T-A-T-I-O-N

I cannnot entirely explain why Filipinos get an unusually unfair deal when it comes to saying NO to people. The word is just comprised of two letters and a split second to say. But for us, we'd rather sugarcoat it in multilayers of Godiva chocolate than say it directly. It may be good at times especially in dealing with sensitive people but in most cases, the inability for us to say no is what gets us in trouble. Or in worst cases, exploited.

Exploitation is prevalent everywhere. This is a term not foreign to sales people. They use it to their advantage to convince and tap into the impulsive buying energy to milk out numbers from them. Imagine us going to malls surrounded by a lot of sales people that we cannot say no to. It's just like robbery with consent.

In the workplace, it's the exact scenario as well. Us incapable of saying no makes vulnerable to higher workloads as we could not say NO right away. And it ends up piling the workloads to us even before we can say "I have to think about it!"

I have to do something about this. Let's keep it real. Higher workloads do not really merit my pockets but my job description only, which clearly says MULTITASKER smeared all over the pages of my CV. And it does not obviously help save money as well.

Jack Of All Trades and Master Of None. I really have to seriously ponder on this.

Love Fool

Many have tried to look for it. A few had been successful. Some fake it. Some really find it, for real. But once found, it doesn't end there. It will be another part of the vicious cycle of endurance and compromise for it to work out. And when it does just not work out, you're in to a one hell of a heartbreak. Silly thing they call it love.

But it keeps us together. Bonded. That what makes us human. The ability to feel the sparks, the tingling sensation, the hurt, the pain and the painstaking system of moving on. It's all part of the deal.

I am writing this blog as tribute to a friend - Ching, who recently got her docile heart broken. Suddenly and unexpectedly. She has been suffering from that constant sobs for almost a while now. A fragile heart, she optimistically tries to move forward after the aches and scars of the experience. I cannot blame her. It was a collection of her firsts. And this also happens to be her first break up moment away from her support system - family, as she is here with us in Singapore.

She is a gentle spirit. I know she will move on. She better keep on trying. She cannot be in that dark nook forever. I know she won't stay in the dark. She just needs time to process everything and sort things out herself. No matter how cliche this is, 'time heals all wounds'. I should know as I had just gotten over from a serious first heartbreak.

It was not a walk in the park. Actually, it was more like running behind a pit bull to save yourself from rabies.

Monosexual

Before going to sleep and after watching American Idol Season 7, I decided to look for eye candies first before I knock myself off to bed. And there I was, finding myself doing a little bit of "ass exercises" to improve my cute and almost soggy touche while surfing on the web. Staring myself at the glass panel of my closet as I have no mirror provided in my room (Laptop loading, nothing to see yet), I couldn't help but wonder, "What Am I Doing This Damn Exercise For?"

Who would actually love this not-proportioned body of mine? Of-these-bulges-that-I-have-since-High-School-that-I-didn't-dare-to-lose-before-that-I am-trying-to-do-now-which-is-so-hard-to-do-as-this-had-been-part-of-me-since-I-started-to-notice-that-men-have-penises-and-women-have-vaginas-and-that-I-am-losing-it-and-I-better-stop-and-move-on.

*Snaps out of it*

Anyways, after minutes of exercising and looking at photos of gorgeous people on the net and reading thru juicy gossips, it just occurred to me, "Is monosexual a word or a term that is grammatically correct?" Because I completely realize with absolute conviction that I was not going to the gym or I am not trying to be fit for anyone. But for myself.

Does that make me monosexual? A term I made up to describe myself. Merriam-webster, please contact me for copyright issues if this is not in your list yet!

What if I am monosexual? A term I coined and I define as a person who loves oneself and doesn't seem to favor or long for attachment, commitment or sexual relationships at all. Or am I just being sour and bitter at the same time as up til now I am still single and uninvolved?

I would have to swing the bat again until I get a strike and hit the home run. I think I am not making any sense anymore. I don't even know what I am talking about. It must be the heavy feeling in my head as it is past my bed time already.

This would have to wait until I give it some real thought and careful analysis. Gees, I sound like a dork. It's not like I am depolarizing a magnet or separating the particles of water and salt from my sweat!

Sheesh, sleep me. Ssssllllllleeeeppp...

Zzzzz....

Looks Is No More

When I was a little younger, I have always looked at the physical side of things. For a possible relationship, I tended to gear towards what others and I would say beautiful. Nice porcelain complexion, blue eyes/green eyes/brown eyes but not squinted, model-like features and the rest I left with total embodiment of a God. For things that I want, it still remains the same. I still gauge the things that I buy with the short-lived and most cliche standards of beauty. Of what I think is beautiful.

Looks was what made me swoon over this person. And during the course of the hopeful loving, sour experience of being heartbroken and thanks to that person who invented the words moving on, it's all plain history. I was just telling Marky how I was able to move on already and how funny it was that I only feel a little tingling love sensation to this naive person now. And that was a few days ago.

It is ironic because this heartbreaker I meet everyday in the office. Every second I tended to feel the sparks and the giddy feeling when I see him and when I talk to him. Funny how I was forced to move on. It wasn't the three-month-moving-on rule. It was way more than that. But anyhow, I moved on. And I can honestly and completely say that I have this time around.

I met the heartbreaker again at the gym last night. Did the usual his and hellos just like in the office but with a hug this time. With a big strong hug. With a smothering hey pal hug. And guess what. No feeling. Zilch. Zapped. Na-da anymore. The feeling that used to make me smile over my head is now something that I consider relevant to my existence to transcend into a new me.

I guess what I am trying to point out is I used to rely so much on beauty. And believe me, standards of beauty can be practiced so much in the gym where all walks of life try to exude that beauty that they thought they have. And you can feast your eyes on those sculpted bodies with Godly features, faces whom you wish did not have bodies and those bodies who need not have heads because of the not-so-desirable features.

After a while, you would get used to it and realize that hey, these people look for the same people as themselves and God knows how narcissistic that is. But they still look for it. If not better and more good looking. After observing these people (me not included as I am the observer, hihihi), these hopefuls are actually looking for heartbreaks.

Looks is not the very foundation of relationship. It's bound to fail. Don't get me wrong. Beautiful people make my head turns and go for a second look. But thats all there is to it. I have learned my lesson. The hard way.

I just don't know if what I wrote is true or if it has something to hold it together. What the heck. That's why it's called blogging. So I can blur it out.

My Valentine Tribute

Quite a couple of months ago, somebody broke my heart. And the funny thing was that somebody did not know about it. Or maybe that person did and was just playing naive so that THAT somebody could have no guilt feelings and take it on himself.

I was a wreck a couple of months back. I was always crying on the bus on the way home alone and would listen to songs 'Someday' by Nina and 'I Miss You' by Aaliyah just to get by. I did not want my friends to know about it since we were living in one house back then in Upper Thomson, Singapore. Well, my friends knew that I have a thing on this person but they did not know how much I got affected and completely blown away by this feeling. That was until I broke down and cried on the terrace at 3am in the morning with the restrained sobs that eventually got heard by a few friends that completely blew up my cover.

I could still remember how everyone was so supportive and caring. How everyone would be quiet and be very sensitive about the whole thing. And thanks to them I recovered.

Recovery was the hardest part of falling in love, especially if it was a heartbreak. I had to be put through a lot of awkward situations and confrontations. And not to mention the struggles and art of avoiding, which I almost perfected along the way. My case was not breaking up with the person. It didn't even start yet for crying out loud. It was not even something that I considered budding lovers. It was more of like 'I-love-you...then...what?Are-you-ahmm...Have-you-eaten?' scenario where no confrontation and confession existed. It was more of like a one-way love. Pathetic, isn't it? What can I say, I joined the club.

Fast forwarded to the next couple of months after, I managed to survive the pains and aches but have completely missed out the tingles and sparks of what they call the power of love. Nevertherless, the incident contributed to so many firsts in my life. First love. First heartbreak. First support from friends. First drama. First confusion. First heartfelt decision. First crying marathon. You name it, it's there.

The feeling is still there I must admit. That little stubborn flame inside me that just won't go off. Time will tell.

Time will tell. But one thing is for sure. I would not fall to any LOVE SHENANIGANS no more! *fingers crossed*

Back with a Vengeance

One of my closest friends in Singapore told me that he had read my blog. And I got so surprised not only because not so many people I know read about it but also the fact that I don't get to update it as often as before. In fact, my last entry was September of last year and it wasn't as "interesting and entertaining" as I imagined it to be. But hey, that's why they call it 'trial and error', right?

Hmm, well. After taking careful and a lot of thinking over running on the treadmill, I decided to take his word for it and unpark my pen for some entries that would spice up the old me again.

And here I am, semi-new with this thing that I used to do back then, getting a fresh start for the year 2008. To tell you the truth, I wanted to write days before, after I had made up my mind but time is just too short.

A lot to expect from hereon out. This time, I would like to broaden my insights over happennings of my life. Not just about bickering, ranting and being sour most of the time. I would like to post entries about my eureka moments and happy thoughts that just go randomly in my head, as well.

I was told by this close friend that it was always about not-so-good-stuff that I write. Like I am not aware of it. I find it as my guilty pleasure. It has always been easier for me to write these things than happy-happy-nice-nice things as I find no absolute relevance in other people's life to read about my euphoric and orgasmic experiences.

Like Duh! Hahaha. Oh, well. Feedback noted.

More entries from now on.


P.S.

I do not know how to upload photos. Until I figure it out, my page will still remain photo-less and as dainty as the skies painted perfectly by landscape artists.

A Hard Day's Work

Perhaps all of you might be wondering about all the bickering and shit I write on here. Well, it just so happenned that this has been my therapy after a hard day's work of solving problems of other people who don't even know how to express their gratitude. But a gesture of goodbye that seems to have been the only thing to say before they put their phone down in a rush.

Sheesh, not even a simple thank you. Fucking retards! No wonder majority of all these people don't know how to party. You won't even imagine. Folks here drink at 9pm and end their party at 12mn. Few barely could walk home. Drunk. Sitting on alleys. Sleeping on the cold pavement while WE enjoy the music and the scene of people making out and exchanging tongues on the dance floor. I can't believe how much they're missing by just being drunk, haha!

I guess the saying work hard, party harder won't apply here. All they do is work from dusk to dawn. And then work harder and then just give up one day due to exhaustion. Whether they admit it or not, they're fortunate that they have Filipinos around. They could use a little humor and party action.

Singapore, get ready to be conquered!!! :)

Ancient History

Ancient history. That's all I have to say. I used to update my blog everyday or every week whenever possible but due to some things, I wasn't able to in months.

I recently moved from the Philippines to Singapore for a job I had applied for eight months ago. And I think everything is doing okay. I get paid more to the things I used to do back home. But clients are more demanding and are devil incarnates. So I guess it's but a fair bargain.

All the while I thought Americans are hard-headed. Wait till you meet Singaporeans. I don't know, it might just be the cultural differences that made them the way they are. There's just a whole stretch of things that you would have to understand before getting them. It's just a matter of getting used to.

A lot had happenned since I moved that I don't even know where to begin. If I have some spare time in the future, will update and write about everything.

I need to rest my case for now as I have an early day set for tomorrow. Early shift tomorrow.

FOR ONCE we were...

Convergys days had passed so soon. Soon than everyone expected. And I find myself now at the crossroads where everything seems foreign. Everything new. Everything that I used to be and used to have, now set aside to open the new chapter of my life.

I remember something that my uncle told me. And it goes like, "When you resign or retire from work, you are missed. You will be missed today. And after a few days, life would go on. Business as usual." My uncle may be right but I refuse to believe everything would be just the same without me. (ahem!)

My presence is so not to be ignored. I am a star in my own right. I invented the word spotlight. Much better, limelight. Celebrities won't be celebrities without me. And models are not the same without me. :)

My point being, I may not rock the walls of Convergys One again. Other people may try to do it. But nobody does it better than the one who made it all happen, me.
My friends would always be my friends. They will forever be treasured.

BITTERSWEET

I don't know how to emphasize this enough but things had been a bit hazy for me lately. I have made major decisions in my life and never had I been so powerful and firm in my lifetime.

Two weeks ago, I decided to call it quits and leave Convergys for good. I thought about resigning before but that did not materialize, not until now. Thanks to the friends I have and the bonds that I made, I procrastinated my plan.

I am writing this blog entry as my last one while still at Convergys. It will be that last one entry I am ever going to post. The rest that would follow are entries that would pertain to the new chapter for that road uncharted. The falls, the stumbles, the rises, the joys and the grims I have to go thru, not really in that order.

Bittersweet memories are running thru my head while writing this entry. I have been part of Convergys long enough to meet and bump with some interesting friends and other walks of life. Some that became friends. Some that became an inspiration. Few that became foes and that relatively small portion that I have had misunderstandings with. And yes, that one person that made my heart thump. That one person that made me experience the shivers, the excitement and the thrills of sneaking and stalking all for love's sake. All of those are but a past. The past better off reminisced but not relived.

I have made my resignation as quiet as possible. In fact, a few people only knew about it which I wanted. It was not because I hate dramas but because I preferred graceful exits over hysterical ones. After all, I am a model in my own right.

Many were shocked with the decision that I had made. I have always been the "perky one" among the flock. The hyperactive and the jolly one could ever meet. And I intend to keep the title. I don't want friends to see me crying with tears all over my face. I want them to remember that God damn jolly person they met. That happy-faced. That guy with a genetically unusual high-pitched voice not the crybaby.

I don't know if people were really sad I resigned. But I know majority did. There will always be that marginalized few that were happy I was gone because it was minus one to competition. Genuinely enough, I felt their "I-miss-yous" and the "I'll-text-yous".


I am a firm believer of that saying, "no goodbyes only see you later". And friends, we will see each other later still. It has been fun working with you guys.

FRAIL

In times that you don't expect something to happen and it just happens all of sudden would be the most romantic and funny thing fate can ever do to you. Especially if it's meeting your soulmate or a yummy to-be partner. But if it just involves yourself and your stupid posture that caused the cracking of your spines while getting in a car or a public transport, that's a different story. And that's exactly what happenned to my oh-so-perfect-spines.

It all started on my way to work when I got in in this nice-looking "vehicle-for-rent" a.k.a as fx in the third world country. I was in a rush since a lot of people were trying to get in it. Scarcity of public utility vehicles during this desperate times are evident due to the juxtaposition of people side by side, waiting to be picked up like prostitutes in the red light district. It's like Filipino diaspora in the entire globe everytime I go to work. That's how worst it is. Believe me.

Last night, it was written in my stars that I would get into this not so fancy fx vehicle and it was embedded in my palm lines as well that I would injure my lumbar region without even knowing the reason why. It was like giving a complete stranger your cellphone because you spaced out.

And there I was, seeing myself in the faces of others trying to find a perfect position without that hurt rooted from my lumbar region injury. No matter how slanted or how I do my used-to-be comfy position, still the hurt won't go away. I spent the entire time supporting my body with my both hands grasping what my hands could get a hold of so the pain would be minimized. But it was an absolute discomfort. It really was.

I spent the entire night at work trying to look for that perfect spot so the ache won't consume me. And I was unsuccessful. After a handful of pain reliever and menthol scent on the floor getting into my colleagues' nostrils (poor victims), still I failed to fulfil my agenda - to be numb.

In these trying times when you thought you were invincible, it's funny how we all become vulnerable for a disease that we never ever thought would bring us down. It's funny how we draw our strength from others. To those people that we barely know. To those acquaintances and friends. Just like how we draw our faith from God, praying religiously for everything to go away. Just like that.

Healing is the law of nature. And it needs time to heal. It's just a matter of time for my back to bloom again and fully recuperate. I can't wait to reach my toes while arching my back again, hehe.

The Haunting

Everyday marks the beginning of our new haunting. From the time that we get off from bed til the time that we get on it again, it's interesting how we always see ourselves flawed and imperfect.

Mirror has always been our partner in crime. We always take a closer look at ourselves. Comparing what we don't have and hoping to have what we lack. We always find ways and routes to the road of ephemeral beauty - from our outta bed dos to our lashes to the lips to the pimple to the pore to the scar to the most uninhibited mole in the most unknown part of us, we notice. Hoping that it's gone and away. We find what we don't have and hate or hope for something that we think would look good on us. We drown ourselves with the "what-ifs" and the "I-wish" statements that draw and elicit personal disliking about one's self.

Comparison is just a contagious disease. It makes you realize what you don't have and not seem to be contented with what has been given to you. It makes you take things for granted. It makes you unappreciate the littlest graces, long and become thirsty of grave things you think important that just aren't.

When was the last time that you appreciated yourself? When was the last time that you embraced and walked tall with that wrinkle around your eye AND NOT think of botox for a second there? When was the last time that you counted your blessings?

When you look into the mirror, you see yourself's reflection. You ask about that pimple you see in between your eyebrows and how badly you want to go to your dermatologist for a facial. Oooh, that can be so soothing. And then you suddenly think of your hair, too. That it's begging you for a new do and hair color. And yeah, that hair spa would do such wonders to your scalp. But before you do that, think of children in the streets that have endured hunger whose last meal was yesterday. Those exact same children who had not taken a bath and who never dared to think of their scalp and skin tones simply because they get preoccupied shutting their eyes so they won't feel the hurt from their stomachs.

Whenever you complain about your job, think of people that badly wanted to be in your position - to earn as much and to do what you do. Those who badly need the work that you do to bring food on the table.

Whenever you long for a shirt or a pair of pants that cost hundreds or thousands of pesos, think of those people who could not even afford to buy one. Those who use cartons or grocery boxes as a "make-do" solution for their mishaps, to cover their slender and frail bodies.
I guess what I am saying is, we must learn to appreciate. Learn to savor every bit of something that is being given to us. Be thankful for the things that are provided and not ask for things that are lacking.

In this day and age when the situation has gotten from bad to worse I couldn't help but wonder, "how does an ounce of gratitude help us through life's inconsistencies? Is it really gratitude or faith that we hold on to?"

VEGETARIAN for a CAUSE

My first entry after a month of shutting up. That's a shocker. Gees, it has been a while indeed since I updated my blog and Jesus Christ, I missed it.

I had been busy worrying about my health for the past weeks. I had all sorts of check ups and going back and forth in Medical City. No serious health condition though, I just panicked and exagerrated the symptons. After some stressful tests here and there, I am in my best shape ever, except for my BP (short for blood pressure).

I have been regarded as the healthiest person around the workplace - nice body (ahem) but not body-builder-ish, positive outlook but not all-smiles all the time and the friendliest among the block with the hi-hello of sorts. But due to stress, I was not able to cope up with my borderline to hypertension blood pressure.

So I am doing all the precautions possible. And as for starters, vegetarianism. It's my third week as a vegetarian already. Well, not exactly. I am more like a flexitarian. I still eat meat - fish and chicken mostly. My diet would mainly be fruits and steamed veggies, sauteed or fried. I limit my carbs intake and confine myself with cereals and oatmeals as subtitutes. It has been good so far but man, it's killing me. Bluntless of food with little or no sodium just makes me feel like eating in a garden, literally. With the goats, rabbits and cows free in the green pasture.

Thank God, my BP is still the same, near the threshold of normal and beyond normal. And it is sometimes scary. Im starting to think this is something that is caused by my poor lifestyle and too much stress in the workplace. Little did I know that it's slowly killing me like a bastard waiting for his chance for revenge. Well, there is a consequence for every opportunity in life. Life is full of surprises. You just gotta do what you gotta do.

And as for me, I would have to take care of my body more because I only have one gorgeous, smooth and flawless complexion. I have thought of getting back in shape again and enrolling myself in a gym to tone muscles and do some cardiovascular activities. I need an outlet for stress. Or better, if I can do yoga. If I can afford it. Fuck it. It is so expensive. You relax for a month thru yoga lessons for Php 4000+. And I am NOT kidding. It's that much for a relaxation. So I guess in a busy world that we are living on now, relaxation is a mere luxury not everybody can afford.

But stick to vegetarianism. He. he. he. It's good for you. :)

FREAKY FRIDAY

A week of turmoil has ended. And yet again, I am burnt-out. It it weren't for the people who got absent from work today, we should have been dancing and counting sheeps in the field. It was the total opposite. All of us spent our last day of work tending with customers with no educational background, who have not even attended college. Those who do not know the word please stored in their chicken brain. And believe me, cases today are the most unusual ones. Cases that I have not encountered in my entire stay here in this program.

Everything is just so wrong today. Except for my hair. My oh-so-lovely-hair that seems to have had so much praises, more so than those low-life beings who have won the Oscars. And who's complaining, I know it's hot. Burning like hell. Sweet. I guess it was blessing in disguise that I have made my curly hair so long to let it be styled like this. I so love it.

But aside from my good hairday, everything is just so screwed up. My pimple in my chin had grown so big it looked like a damn mini-face disguising as a pimple. Those idiots had grouped in throngs and asked for reinforcements that it had made it so much like a power-ranger robot stuck in my face. Good thing my hair gets to be noticed more than my nasty colossal pimple.

Aside from my pimple, I was late for work. I was so lazy I planned on skipping working. But my charlatan brain cells had decided that hey-go-to-work-it's-friday-no-calls-today! and poor me I believed them. Right after I got comfy with my seat, calls seem to just haunt me. And people with such behavoiral problems seem to know where I am. They find me like I have this LOSERS-THIS-WAY sign screaming at their faces. And there are no supervisors. How's that for a day, huh?

(Takes a deep breath)

Gees, this is so damn tiring. I so need love. And I don't know how to emphasis enough. Hahahaha!

FRESH FROM A DAY OFF

A lot had happened the last two days of my absence from work. The first instance was I was sick and the other day was my off. If you ask me, I'd rather spend my off outside the house than being bed-ridden, touching and wiping the sticky fluid off of my nose incessantly just isn't fun at all. That's just gross. That is just so not my turf.

Aside from being sick, there were quite a number of instances that made me euphoric. It is too soon to tell. :) But once everything is final, I will make sure that the whole world would know about it. Only my closest friends know about this yet and I am sure they are so damn giggling right now because not a lot were privileged enough for it. Hihihi.

As the saying goes, when it rains, it pours. It's actually quite true. Elaborating further would make me caught for the things that I should not be divulging early on. I just wish everything would turn out well. I hope. In God's time, I have faith.

RECUPERATING

I thought I couldn't come to work today since I have the worst contagious flu ever documented in history of me. Thanks to a liter of pineapple juice and three pieces of oranges I am a bit better now.

I swear I could barely breathe yesterday. Well, there had been remote instances when I feel that somebody is smothering me and putting something into my nicely-contoured nostrils, hehe. Each of my nostrils was clogged by a bubble waiting to be bursted. And I could not speak well. I sounded like I am a big walking harelip. Having bedroom voice is acceptable. But distorted speech like a drunk is a no, no.

I spent the entire day dealing with my predicament. Trying to recuperate, and at the same time, entertain calls with all out cheerfulness. Gees, no wonder call center agents sometimes end up in mental institutions for treatment. Schizophrenia. Paranoia. Dual Personality Disorder. Insomnia.

Good thing I have no work for tomorrow. I have all day to rest and recuperate. Too bad though I won't see the retards on the floor for that well-publicized Halloween Costume Party.

Bummer.

THE RAIN AND MY NOSE

The sudden pour of the rain had made my nose red today. Thanks to my itsy bitsy little black umbrella I got wet from the rain. And not to mention the strong wind that almost turned my umbrella an inverted mushroom.

This is just unfortunate. I got off to work thinking that the rain won't be as harsh since I waited for it to subside right before I left. But still, it got me. Just a few steps away from our door, the rain pelted hard on my oh-s0-frail umbrella. I could not go back, thinking it would stop any moment then. Yes, my theory was correct. It did stop, after I GOT WET. My so tiny toes got soaked and splashed from stepping on water holes strategically placed on the pavement. My pink shirt got wet from raindrops and the drizzles mixed with the wind. My fabric body bag was wet as well. I could not do anything but wait. And wait. And wait again.

The rain finally stopped. My body was shivering because of that cold darn weather. The hem of my jeans and my slippers were wet. Afraid to get leptospirosis from the water holes that my toes were soaked in, I decided to buy a bottle of alcohol to cleanse and prevent myself from getting future skin diseases. Who would have wanted fungi dwelling in between your toes? Or smelly feet? Shheeeesh. The minute I came to the office, I immediately did my cleanliness routine. Thinking that I weathered the rain, I was completely blindsided.

I started sneezing and water-like fluid just came dripping from my nose all of a sudden. My eyes were watery and I felt cold of a sudden. Darn it! I got a flu from that quick exposure! I hate it. I hate being sick. I hate being taken care of. I hate being bed-ridden. What I hate about it the most is the constant wiping of your nose til it gets red and get tired from doing it over and over again. Every second.

I hate to spoil Christmas but I hate it more when I get to be compared with Rudolph. I need to drink a lot of juices now, a lot of water and start getting medication. I have to be treated soon. I have to be better soon! If not for this darn rain, I would be jumping rope by now and helping out with the decoration in the office for halloween. Great. This is just great.

STAYING POSITIVE

A day rest from work can do wonders, at least for me anyways. It's not about going out that lightens me up, but the sleep that I get - undisrupted since it's not everyday that I get one. Not thinking about the pressure and the mishaps that I get from stressful calls is something that keeps my mind off of things that constantly bug me from the moment I open my eyes til the time that I close them. How poetic! (and a bit exaggerated! hihi.)

So, whenever I have the time to somehow recharge and get as much sleep as possible, I take advantage. It keeps me positive, and watching movies that I buy in bulk everytime I go to the mall just reinforces that feeling.

You see, I do not go out a lot. I prefer watching movies at home and lying on our comfy couch the entire day til my eyes get weary. And close them. Snore. Wipe my sleep spittle. Wake up in the middle of the day and pee. Then sleep again. Watch movies after. And it's a vicious cycle, what can I say. Nevertheless, a simple life.

I am shallow. I know, I need to get a life. AND I don't want to grow old to be a grumpy grandfather or a loner in some retirement institute (I know it's not gonna happen!Filipino here, HELLO!!!). Somebody who never experienced to exercise and who has lived with the most disgusting body ever recorded in Guiness Book of World Records is definitely not my standard of beauty. I want to be called a hunk sometime in the future. Who doesn't?

(Thinks, aloud)

I have been called so many names already and I managed to live up to them. I have been called gorgeous always. I have been mistaken as a Hollywood celebrity. Some regard me as perfect. Some a model on a pedestal. And those terms are just music to my ears. Who's complaining? I will never get enough of those. You just can't help but appreciate those people that can admire true beauty.

If any of you bump into me in some high class promenade or some elite leisure haven, please, please, please, just be inventive in calling me such names. Being colloquial and Shakespearea-like won't hurt you, you know.

Can somebody think of another word for me? A word that would truly embody me.

ME. Geez, I am patronizing me. Self-preservation. I like it. If that's gonna make me stay positive, it ain't gonna hurt yah, yah know!!!

THE ART OF LETTING GO

Last weekend was the best weekend I have ever had in my lifetime. It was somewhat paradoxical since I have not been into reflections and soul-searching much my entire life. For some weird reason, a friend sent me a message and wanted to meet with me to chitchat. And so we did.

Upon meeting, we had our usual exchanges - the common "how-are-you?", kisses, hugs and the eagerness to see a friend for ages. But not the things that 'friends with benefit' do, hell no!!!But it was nevertheless such a fun moment, like a saint on the verge of his epiphany.

And so, after our darn greetings, we decided to watch a movie - The Banquet starred by Zhang Ziyi. Loved it. Fell in love with it. Don't you just love the martial arts mixed with such ultimate grace? It was so refreshing to see people flying. And fighting. Flying and fighting at the same time. But of course, there's so much more than that. It's such done with great taste. I truly recommend it.

Well. On to my story.

Right after the movie, we decided to satisfy our tongues' urge for the Italian palate. Piadina became our witness for the conversation that became my eye-opener. Like me, She has gone thru a lot of risks. Risks that made her weigh her options and somehow choose the lesser evil. The lesser evil that would be more beneficial in dealing with life.

She mentioned her brother during our conversation over the quattro formagi (spell check, please), a thin-crust pizza made up of four kinds of cheese and carbonara on our table that somehow influenced her in a good way. She has made me realize things that are far more important and sort out my perspectives as well. I think it is my sole responsibility to impart that realization to you guys as these might help you go with the flow of life, and not go against it.

These are just some of the few good things to ponder:

1. Life is not all about career. Career is just a pseudo-goal most of us are preoccupied of. At twenty-something, we go thru the quarterly crisis. We compare ourselves to our peers and contemporaries, especially to those who became successful in their chosen careers, abruptly. You pity yourself for staying stagnant and become envious for people who seemed to be living their dreams.

What you must remember though is that God made plans for us. Plans that do not happen the same day or date your rival at school got his/her glory just as quick as exercising his/her knuckles.

WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A CAREER IS. We were just laid with the possibilities, just like picking a trinket in that wide-stretched stalls in Divisoria. Options. Meaning ephemeral. Not lasting.

At most times, we get drowned thinking 'what-might-have-beens' or 'what-could-have-beens'. Our shoulda, woulda, couldas. Our aspirations in life. We were placed in awkward situations we never ever thought possible. We encounter people and friends. Colleagues and acquaintances. Friends and foes. All for a reason.

Don't be that person who has a career but never ever got to live a life he wanted. Be that person who lived the life he wanted and eventually got a career in the process. Look within yourself and contemplate. If you don't know the skills that you're good at, stop looking. Begin honing and treasuring each experience you pick up along the way. It's not all about the career, it's the process of getting there that makes the experience worthwhile.


2. Learn to appreciate the littlest things. Cherish each experience. Don't be such a haste.
Remember that an experience, no matter how sweet or bitter is worth every pain and joy. Cherish every heartache. Every smile. Every giggle. Appreciate that you have two legs and ten toes. Appreciate and embrace what makes you YOU. Discover and rediscover. Remember what Friedrich Nietzche (I think it was him, not sure though. :) ) had said, "that doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

Life is not always walking on the rainbow. It's not about discovering the pot of gold at the end of it. Sometimes, you have to work double as hard to unearth something to expose its true beauty. Like a heartbreak, it's a given. But still, one chooses to love. It's not anticipating the heartbreak, but picking up the shattered pieces and glueing them all together after. It's not the before. It's the after that's more important.


3. Let go. Letting go of something is somewhat the best exercise to be free. Be free from constrictions. Free yourself from pressure. From emotions that tire you. From thoughts that wear you out.

Letting go of a dream is achieving your dream. Events unravel themselves to your advantage. Leave everything to the Lord and loosen up. I am not saying to slack off and bum around like a sloth. But instead, make short-term goals instead of the long-term ones.

Live life as it unfolds itself. Live life one step at a time. The future is the uncertain. The uncertainty of life is what spices it up. Don't strip yourself from that, you owe yourself at least that.

Pieces of Me

I was absent last night from work. I tried to get up and prepare to come to work but my body just could not endure such harrassment anymore.

The lack of sleep and the nocturnal lifestyle wore me down eventually.

The puffy eyes indicated that I am not invincibe after all.

The low blood pressure, emotional battery and mental shocks had visited my thoughts everyday, knowing that such a job with the so-so compensation would toll grave penalties.

I am but a candle lit with flame that flickers toward the direction of the wind. I am but the embers of the bonfire deeply buried into the sand for containment. Thus, a ripple that suddenly livens the water in the stillness of its serenity. I am but a wanderer during the day and a worker by night.

I am a creature that wanders. Whose thoughts fixates on inanimate thoughts and worthless ideas. A phoenix waiting to rise from the ashes. I am the warm breath that everybody covets. A star bragging its twinkle from the rest. A treasure waiting to be discovered from the test of antiquity.

I am no different from a diamond on the rough. The imperfections that define its perfection and beauty.

I am but me. I can offer no less or no more than who I am. Love me or hate me. It's just plain black and white.

Rawness defines me. I am the stain of blood that trickles in the sand. That endures time. That embodies tainted innocence.