Life as I know it.

Before going to sleep, I re-read what I wrote last night and damn, I am so screwed. I promised to write all things possible in here, especially the good ones. So here I am in my room with my lights off, squeezing my brains out to produce an article worth reading. But who cares, this is for me. And I don't owe anybody anything. This is my turf, my space and my writing therapy.

Well, nothing extra-ordinary today, except for a write-up at some office bulletin from a colleague that said, "doing ordinary things extraordinary well". I also don't know if this line has some parallelism to this entire context but I said it anyway. Besides, I write what I want. So you read and understand how you want this to be interpreted.

In life, you do things the way you want things executed. Some may not like your lifestyle but it's you who chooses it for yourself. It's just a matter of choice. You may go out in boots one day because you feel like it or dress up a ninja master the next day. People may find you weird or a fuckin' lunatic but who cares. At the end of the day, it is you who will answer to yourself whether you had fun or whether you bored yourself to death.

I guess my point is, we all make our decisions. Of course, you consider your family's say about things. Your friends may help guide you to the right direction. Your significant other might also be a factor. But sticking to a decision is something that you do yourself. Whether you choose to grieve or be happy, ecstatic or just plain boring, it will always be you. Yourself, Your ass on the line.

The choices do not choose you. You choose the choices. You call the shots.
You stand by them.
You may make wrong choices but you learn from them. You outgrow the stupid phase. You overcome the blues. You become stronger.

It may not always be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow every after life experience. But you sure get a consolation in taking that path yourself. It may even be worth more than that.

The Haunting

Everyday marks the beginning of our new haunting. From the time that we get off from bed til the time that we get on it again, it's interesting how we always see ourselves flawed and imperfect.

Mirror has always been our partner in crime. We always take a closer look at ourselves. Comparing what we don't have and hoping to have what we lack. We always find ways and routes to the road of ephemeral beauty - from our outta bed dos to our lashes to the lips to the pimple to the pore to the scar to the most uninhibited mole in the most unknown part of us, we notice. Hoping that it's gone and away. We find what we don't have and hate or hope for something that we think would look good on us. We drown ourselves with the "what-ifs" and the "I-wish" statements that draw and elicit personal disliking about one's self.

Comparison is just a contagious disease. It makes you realize what you don't have and not seem to be contented with what has been given to you. It makes you take things for granted. It makes you unappreciate the littlest graces, long and become thirsty of grave things you think important that just aren't.

When was the last time that you appreciated yourself? When was the last time that you embraced and walked tall with that wrinkle around your eye AND NOT think of botox for a second there? When was the last time that you counted your blessings?

When you look into the mirror, you see yourself's reflection. You ask about that pimple you see in between your eyebrows and how badly you want to go to your dermatologist for a facial. Oooh, that can be so soothing. And then you suddenly think of your hair, too. That it's begging you for a new do and hair color. And yeah, that hair spa would do such wonders to your scalp. But before you do that, think of children in the streets that have endured hunger whose last meal was yesterday. Those exact same children who had not taken a bath and who never dared to think of their scalp and skin tones simply because they get preoccupied shutting their eyes so they won't feel the hurt from their stomachs.

Whenever you complain about your job, think of people that badly wanted to be in your position - to earn as much and to do what you do. Those who badly need the work that you do to bring food on the table.

Whenever you long for a shirt or a pair of pants that cost hundreds or thousands of pesos, think of those people who could not even afford to buy one. Those who use cartons or grocery boxes as a "make-do" solution for their mishaps, to cover their slender and frail bodies.
I guess what I am saying is, we must learn to appreciate. Learn to savor every bit of something that is being given to us. Be thankful for the things that are provided and not ask for things that are lacking.

In this day and age when the situation has gotten from bad to worse I couldn't help but wonder, "how does an ounce of gratitude help us through life's inconsistencies? Is it really gratitude or faith that we hold on to?"