MUTANT

I spent practically the whole day yesterday at work. It was exhausting. I needed to put everything in place and endorse my tasks as I will be on leave for three days (Yes! Only for three days). And the overtime wasn't paid, mind you. It was done for the betterment of the company, not my own pocket.

Seventeen hours of staring at your computer screen is not fun if you're working. At I could not believe I was doing it. Me? And what's pissing me off was that I got thru it without browsing my friendster or facebook sites to get me thru the grueling hours of my day.

Geez, I am changing. I am becoming a corporate slave. Damn, I am becoming a mutant. I think next time I will get an award. A plaque of appreciation. A merit. Ahm, can I request for a bonus instead?

STRESS-ing on having that Filipino Power!

Today marks my I am-so-drowning-with-work and I was so close to quitting. Thanks to this former colleague that made my life miserable. This guy I am talking about, we used to work together in this campaign. He had a few slip ups and the bosses decided to boot him out as he was no good after all. He was more of a liability than a mere asset.

I thought we won't be able to work with him anymore, until today. Today is my lucky, lucky day. A case re-surfaced due to his carelessness. And it was not a minor case. It kind of blew out of proportions because he carelessly put an entry on a different line item. In short, line 1 entry should have had the details of this customer but instead, he put it right below it. So, it just screwed it up.

I ended up cleaning his shit the entire day, doing the liaison here and there. Sending emails one after another. I resorted to taking up the case in my own hands to handle what was mishandled. Everything seemed to have been fixed already. I just need to monitor and make sure that this solution is carried out flawlessly.

I don't know why I did it. It's definitely not because of love. I think the main thing is he's Filipino, too. Deep inside me, no matter how irritating he is to me, it all boils down to helping him out. I didn't want to be the hero, I just wanted the case closed. Not because I wanted him to realize how dumb he was, which is the truth but hey, he just needs to do his job well and take it seriously. He just knows how to brag, but he sure has nothing to brag about.

I just hope he learns a valuable lesson over this. I hope he takes this opportunity to improve himself more and take it all in for the better.

After all, he's Filipino. He's one of us. I hope he prides himself of this fact.

Stunned!

I was so tired last night that I planned to sleep early and call it a night. But guess what, I ended up sleeping at 2am+ in the morning.

Thanks to this blogging eureka for me. I already know how to put pictures in my entries! And just like a child discovering the world, I could not get enough of it. Whether to re-organize or delete and add back more photos, I just could not satisfy my curiosity. The wonders of technology. The wonders of discovery.

I honestly do not know why I did not discover this sooner when in fact, it was just right there together with all the symbols perfectly organized in line. Well, you'll never know when you'll get your blonde moment.

In my case, it's my curly, dyed hair moment.

(The photo has NO definite relation to this entry. I just think we all look good in this shot. Let me correct myself. We always look good. Even this weird guy as our background looks human, what an evolution. All because of us.)

Mama Mia! - An Inspiring Movie

I was planning to go to the gym today but I then decided not to push through with my plan anymore. It's Monday-Drown-Me-Day today for sure and I would not have the time and the strength to go work out and sweat my sweet ass off. And it was a good decision as a colleague of mine offered me 2 free tickets to watch Mama Mia! at 7.20pm at Golden Village, Marina Square. I immediately asked a friend (Holly) to watch the movie with me even though she had seen it already. She said it was good.

She was right. Her saying that it was good is an under rating. Mama Mia! is the best movie I have seen so far for this month. It is something that I would consider a worth movie to watch. Meryl Streep is indeed so fun to look at. Her ability to transform and play the part just shows off her experience as an actress. And Pierce Brosnan? Well, you just try to imagine James Bond singing. Yep, singing seriously. And please, do not stand and leave immediately. Wait for the credits to run and the last sequence would be the icing on the cake for Mr. Bond. And I am not going to spoil the movie for you. So you better continue reading.

The movie as whole is a masterpiece. The message it conveys just touches the core of your being with humor. The movie knows how to condition you to feel a certain emotion, a distinct hmf that pushes you to laugh with the actors and actresses, to cry with them and to lament with them. It gives you that sense of fulfillment, that conviction to love, to live, to hope and rekindle the moment.

This movie is definitely made for everyone to enjoy. And do not worry guys, I have seen a couple of men who had watched the movie with us. Straight guys, mind you. So, in case your girlfriends ask you to watch, spare me the shenanigans and watch with them. But please, no ... (dot, dot, dot)

You'll know what I mean when you watch the movie.

P.S.

I am not the movie's publicist. I am not paid to write good review about it.

Agent PeePee, you suck!

Today was the date we had to renew the rental for our flat. And funny it was the same exact person who got half of our deposit to the flat previously that we liked but decided to not push thru because of complications. Let's just call him Peepee, a twenty-something agent who seems to be good at deceiving people.

He went to the house together with the Auntie with the SPA (Special Power Of Attorney) to fix the paperwork needed for the renewal. And yeah, to get THE money from us as the supposed 'agent's fee' for supposedly 'helping us for looking' for this flat. (Get it?) For the existing flat. We are paying him to renew. Without doing anything. With getting his ass sweat. Just like that.

Well I understand that it's how the market goes. But having this experience with him for his work ethics isn't just worth giving him additional $900 more from us, and another $900 from the owner. It's a pity we are giving this scum easy money without working hard for it. This guy doesn't deserve a single penny. But he's clever. For some reason I feel that we were dealing with the hustler.

The entire time they were discussing about the rent and procedure, I was just looking at this chubby, egoistic and money-addict agent PeePee. Figuring out how he sleeps at night with his eyes shut. Or how he endures to collect money from this shitty business.

He ended up $1800+ richer when he walked out our flat. We had given him the money, yes, but has he gotten our respect and confidence in him? I don't think so. Never. Or not until he figures out how to earn and deal with people decently.

Celebrating Independence, Singapura Style!

Many words just kept coming in my head randomly when I was thinking of writing this blog two days ago. But I could not seem to gel them together to even write a phrase to complete one sentence. But heck, I was impatient and decided to pend and do it later. So I am writing this today.

As cliche as it sounds, time really goes so fast. It's the flash times ten. Just imagine getting your crush's armpit hair after a few good old months of stalking. If it's possible. Maybe it is if you're room mates. Ahem... By now, I think I have conveyed the point across. *winks, winks*

Looking back two years ago, a lot has changed me for the better. All in its own pace. Some had happened drastically while a few had happened painstakingly slow.

Who could forget that day where we had to go for our medical check up after touchdown. Oh yes, this was after that sleepless night before leaving the Philippines with our loved ones. After that early flight, touching down and checking-in after at a cheap but decent backpacker hostel. And did I say brisk walking around Raffles Place to finally head straight to the clinic for some standard test? Yep, we all passed. After a few grueling hours of tension, fright and worrying of the results. We did fairly.

Let's just say that I was up for some challenge upon stepping foot on this small island. I thought I had experienced the worst, only to discover that it was just that ant bite that happens to you in one humid afternoon. An eye-opener for a more one-of-a-kind (referring to the collected one-of-a-kind experiences) learning and enriching experiences.

How I could forget the frugal moments I had on the first few days of living in Singapore. Those days where my fellow colleagues and I would sit down in our hostel room, take out our pen and paper to tally our daily expenses (converting everything in Philippine peso). Also taking into consideration the budget we tried to allot for the house we need to find the soonest as the bill at the hostel are accumulating.

God is good. He helped us (me and the 6 others) find a house. A house good enough to shelter and start our lives together - as housemates. It was in that house that I learned to share a room with a stranger (a close friend now) and share the house along with six of the girls (also close friends). That house was the witness of our pack's rites of passage - the humble beginnings. Our click. The start of that genuine friendship - the adventures and misadventures we all had. The activities we did. The endless bus rides that became enjoyable road trips. The midnight to early morning movie showings, the eating escapades, the coffee sessions, the nights of clean partying and the wasted few nights due to spur of the moment drinking. And not to mention our out of the country trips together.

Singapore had seen me in my worst, too. It saw me fell in love and eventually get heartbroken that led to serious weeping over a love interest who obviously was naive enough not to notice. It took me more than 6 months to get over the feeling. Thanks to a few instances of crying at our balcony at past midnight, a couple of bus rides alone with "Someday" by Nina playing in my Ipod and a couple of time spent at the church praying for guidance and detachment of the feelings from my personal self. And I would say all those counter-measures prevented me from getting insane. I was getting there. And I was that close to snapping and giving in. But I guess, I am one hell of a fighter. And it were my firsts - being in love and being heartbroken.

This country had taught me to be strong-er - emotionally and physically. It taught me to stand stall. Live on my own for a while. Be comfortable with my own skin. Discover and appreciate myself better. Singapore gave me the opportunity to define independence in my life, incorporate in my lifestyle the best practices I gained through experience and change me for the better. Become a better friend, a better son and a better spirit.

Imagine how this small land can change a person at greater scales. The experience - both good and bad translates to a better me - transcending my expectations not only for myself but to all the people around me. This is how this country shapes you so you can celebrate independence, Singapore style.

Life as I know it.

Before going to sleep, I re-read what I wrote last night and damn, I am so screwed. I promised to write all things possible in here, especially the good ones. So here I am in my room with my lights off, squeezing my brains out to produce an article worth reading. But who cares, this is for me. And I don't owe anybody anything. This is my turf, my space and my writing therapy.

Well, nothing extra-ordinary today, except for a write-up at some office bulletin from a colleague that said, "doing ordinary things extraordinary well". I also don't know if this line has some parallelism to this entire context but I said it anyway. Besides, I write what I want. So you read and understand how you want this to be interpreted.

In life, you do things the way you want things executed. Some may not like your lifestyle but it's you who chooses it for yourself. It's just a matter of choice. You may go out in boots one day because you feel like it or dress up a ninja master the next day. People may find you weird or a fuckin' lunatic but who cares. At the end of the day, it is you who will answer to yourself whether you had fun or whether you bored yourself to death.

I guess my point is, we all make our decisions. Of course, you consider your family's say about things. Your friends may help guide you to the right direction. Your significant other might also be a factor. But sticking to a decision is something that you do yourself. Whether you choose to grieve or be happy, ecstatic or just plain boring, it will always be you. Yourself, Your ass on the line.

The choices do not choose you. You choose the choices. You call the shots.
You stand by them.
You may make wrong choices but you learn from them. You outgrow the stupid phase. You overcome the blues. You become stronger.

It may not always be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow every after life experience. But you sure get a consolation in taking that path yourself. It may even be worth more than that.

I AM BACK

I would say my English needs a lot of polishing now that it has not been used to write articles for a while. Let's just say writers need some time to park their pens and recharge to say the least. WeIl, if I consider myself a writer that is. I would more or less say that I am but ready for sharing my life experiences if my precious time permits. *winks, winks*

I have been told by a friend, (Marky, ahem) that all I write about are stories and articles that directly relate to angst of my life and how I see the world in a different light. I already explained to him that I find it easy to write about them and the fact that I see them entertaining just adds to the spice of the world fill with irony.

I better start writing soon and make it a habit to writing at least one entry a day. I have read somewhere that brain cells diminish their capacity to function when they aren't used often. And it's not a pretty good way to appreciate what God has given me, I think.

So let this be my way of saying - I AM BAA-AHHCCK! This time, I am up for that challenge to motivate myself and give myself a chance to grow and become more mature.

Hopefully.

Spell E-X-P-L-O-I-T-A-T-I-O-N

I cannnot entirely explain why Filipinos get an unusually unfair deal when it comes to saying NO to people. The word is just comprised of two letters and a split second to say. But for us, we'd rather sugarcoat it in multilayers of Godiva chocolate than say it directly. It may be good at times especially in dealing with sensitive people but in most cases, the inability for us to say no is what gets us in trouble. Or in worst cases, exploited.

Exploitation is prevalent everywhere. This is a term not foreign to sales people. They use it to their advantage to convince and tap into the impulsive buying energy to milk out numbers from them. Imagine us going to malls surrounded by a lot of sales people that we cannot say no to. It's just like robbery with consent.

In the workplace, it's the exact scenario as well. Us incapable of saying no makes vulnerable to higher workloads as we could not say NO right away. And it ends up piling the workloads to us even before we can say "I have to think about it!"

I have to do something about this. Let's keep it real. Higher workloads do not really merit my pockets but my job description only, which clearly says MULTITASKER smeared all over the pages of my CV. And it does not obviously help save money as well.

Jack Of All Trades and Master Of None. I really have to seriously ponder on this.

Love Fool

Many have tried to look for it. A few had been successful. Some fake it. Some really find it, for real. But once found, it doesn't end there. It will be another part of the vicious cycle of endurance and compromise for it to work out. And when it does just not work out, you're in to a one hell of a heartbreak. Silly thing they call it love.

But it keeps us together. Bonded. That what makes us human. The ability to feel the sparks, the tingling sensation, the hurt, the pain and the painstaking system of moving on. It's all part of the deal.

I am writing this blog as tribute to a friend - Ching, who recently got her docile heart broken. Suddenly and unexpectedly. She has been suffering from that constant sobs for almost a while now. A fragile heart, she optimistically tries to move forward after the aches and scars of the experience. I cannot blame her. It was a collection of her firsts. And this also happens to be her first break up moment away from her support system - family, as she is here with us in Singapore.

She is a gentle spirit. I know she will move on. She better keep on trying. She cannot be in that dark nook forever. I know she won't stay in the dark. She just needs time to process everything and sort things out herself. No matter how cliche this is, 'time heals all wounds'. I should know as I had just gotten over from a serious first heartbreak.

It was not a walk in the park. Actually, it was more like running behind a pit bull to save yourself from rabies.

Monosexual

Before going to sleep and after watching American Idol Season 7, I decided to look for eye candies first before I knock myself off to bed. And there I was, finding myself doing a little bit of "ass exercises" to improve my cute and almost soggy touche while surfing on the web. Staring myself at the glass panel of my closet as I have no mirror provided in my room (Laptop loading, nothing to see yet), I couldn't help but wonder, "What Am I Doing This Damn Exercise For?"

Who would actually love this not-proportioned body of mine? Of-these-bulges-that-I-have-since-High-School-that-I-didn't-dare-to-lose-before-that-I am-trying-to-do-now-which-is-so-hard-to-do-as-this-had-been-part-of-me-since-I-started-to-notice-that-men-have-penises-and-women-have-vaginas-and-that-I-am-losing-it-and-I-better-stop-and-move-on.

*Snaps out of it*

Anyways, after minutes of exercising and looking at photos of gorgeous people on the net and reading thru juicy gossips, it just occurred to me, "Is monosexual a word or a term that is grammatically correct?" Because I completely realize with absolute conviction that I was not going to the gym or I am not trying to be fit for anyone. But for myself.

Does that make me monosexual? A term I made up to describe myself. Merriam-webster, please contact me for copyright issues if this is not in your list yet!

What if I am monosexual? A term I coined and I define as a person who loves oneself and doesn't seem to favor or long for attachment, commitment or sexual relationships at all. Or am I just being sour and bitter at the same time as up til now I am still single and uninvolved?

I would have to swing the bat again until I get a strike and hit the home run. I think I am not making any sense anymore. I don't even know what I am talking about. It must be the heavy feeling in my head as it is past my bed time already.

This would have to wait until I give it some real thought and careful analysis. Gees, I sound like a dork. It's not like I am depolarizing a magnet or separating the particles of water and salt from my sweat!

Sheesh, sleep me. Ssssllllllleeeeppp...

Zzzzz....

Looks Is No More

When I was a little younger, I have always looked at the physical side of things. For a possible relationship, I tended to gear towards what others and I would say beautiful. Nice porcelain complexion, blue eyes/green eyes/brown eyes but not squinted, model-like features and the rest I left with total embodiment of a God. For things that I want, it still remains the same. I still gauge the things that I buy with the short-lived and most cliche standards of beauty. Of what I think is beautiful.

Looks was what made me swoon over this person. And during the course of the hopeful loving, sour experience of being heartbroken and thanks to that person who invented the words moving on, it's all plain history. I was just telling Marky how I was able to move on already and how funny it was that I only feel a little tingling love sensation to this naive person now. And that was a few days ago.

It is ironic because this heartbreaker I meet everyday in the office. Every second I tended to feel the sparks and the giddy feeling when I see him and when I talk to him. Funny how I was forced to move on. It wasn't the three-month-moving-on rule. It was way more than that. But anyhow, I moved on. And I can honestly and completely say that I have this time around.

I met the heartbreaker again at the gym last night. Did the usual his and hellos just like in the office but with a hug this time. With a big strong hug. With a smothering hey pal hug. And guess what. No feeling. Zilch. Zapped. Na-da anymore. The feeling that used to make me smile over my head is now something that I consider relevant to my existence to transcend into a new me.

I guess what I am trying to point out is I used to rely so much on beauty. And believe me, standards of beauty can be practiced so much in the gym where all walks of life try to exude that beauty that they thought they have. And you can feast your eyes on those sculpted bodies with Godly features, faces whom you wish did not have bodies and those bodies who need not have heads because of the not-so-desirable features.

After a while, you would get used to it and realize that hey, these people look for the same people as themselves and God knows how narcissistic that is. But they still look for it. If not better and more good looking. After observing these people (me not included as I am the observer, hihihi), these hopefuls are actually looking for heartbreaks.

Looks is not the very foundation of relationship. It's bound to fail. Don't get me wrong. Beautiful people make my head turns and go for a second look. But thats all there is to it. I have learned my lesson. The hard way.

I just don't know if what I wrote is true or if it has something to hold it together. What the heck. That's why it's called blogging. So I can blur it out.

My Valentine Tribute

Quite a couple of months ago, somebody broke my heart. And the funny thing was that somebody did not know about it. Or maybe that person did and was just playing naive so that THAT somebody could have no guilt feelings and take it on himself.

I was a wreck a couple of months back. I was always crying on the bus on the way home alone and would listen to songs 'Someday' by Nina and 'I Miss You' by Aaliyah just to get by. I did not want my friends to know about it since we were living in one house back then in Upper Thomson, Singapore. Well, my friends knew that I have a thing on this person but they did not know how much I got affected and completely blown away by this feeling. That was until I broke down and cried on the terrace at 3am in the morning with the restrained sobs that eventually got heard by a few friends that completely blew up my cover.

I could still remember how everyone was so supportive and caring. How everyone would be quiet and be very sensitive about the whole thing. And thanks to them I recovered.

Recovery was the hardest part of falling in love, especially if it was a heartbreak. I had to be put through a lot of awkward situations and confrontations. And not to mention the struggles and art of avoiding, which I almost perfected along the way. My case was not breaking up with the person. It didn't even start yet for crying out loud. It was not even something that I considered budding lovers. It was more of like 'I-love-you...then...what?Are-you-ahmm...Have-you-eaten?' scenario where no confrontation and confession existed. It was more of like a one-way love. Pathetic, isn't it? What can I say, I joined the club.

Fast forwarded to the next couple of months after, I managed to survive the pains and aches but have completely missed out the tingles and sparks of what they call the power of love. Nevertherless, the incident contributed to so many firsts in my life. First love. First heartbreak. First support from friends. First drama. First confusion. First heartfelt decision. First crying marathon. You name it, it's there.

The feeling is still there I must admit. That little stubborn flame inside me that just won't go off. Time will tell.

Time will tell. But one thing is for sure. I would not fall to any LOVE SHENANIGANS no more! *fingers crossed*

Back with a Vengeance

One of my closest friends in Singapore told me that he had read my blog. And I got so surprised not only because not so many people I know read about it but also the fact that I don't get to update it as often as before. In fact, my last entry was September of last year and it wasn't as "interesting and entertaining" as I imagined it to be. But hey, that's why they call it 'trial and error', right?

Hmm, well. After taking careful and a lot of thinking over running on the treadmill, I decided to take his word for it and unpark my pen for some entries that would spice up the old me again.

And here I am, semi-new with this thing that I used to do back then, getting a fresh start for the year 2008. To tell you the truth, I wanted to write days before, after I had made up my mind but time is just too short.

A lot to expect from hereon out. This time, I would like to broaden my insights over happennings of my life. Not just about bickering, ranting and being sour most of the time. I would like to post entries about my eureka moments and happy thoughts that just go randomly in my head, as well.

I was told by this close friend that it was always about not-so-good-stuff that I write. Like I am not aware of it. I find it as my guilty pleasure. It has always been easier for me to write these things than happy-happy-nice-nice things as I find no absolute relevance in other people's life to read about my euphoric and orgasmic experiences.

Like Duh! Hahaha. Oh, well. Feedback noted.

More entries from now on.


P.S.

I do not know how to upload photos. Until I figure it out, my page will still remain photo-less and as dainty as the skies painted perfectly by landscape artists.

A Hard Day's Work

Perhaps all of you might be wondering about all the bickering and shit I write on here. Well, it just so happenned that this has been my therapy after a hard day's work of solving problems of other people who don't even know how to express their gratitude. But a gesture of goodbye that seems to have been the only thing to say before they put their phone down in a rush.

Sheesh, not even a simple thank you. Fucking retards! No wonder majority of all these people don't know how to party. You won't even imagine. Folks here drink at 9pm and end their party at 12mn. Few barely could walk home. Drunk. Sitting on alleys. Sleeping on the cold pavement while WE enjoy the music and the scene of people making out and exchanging tongues on the dance floor. I can't believe how much they're missing by just being drunk, haha!

I guess the saying work hard, party harder won't apply here. All they do is work from dusk to dawn. And then work harder and then just give up one day due to exhaustion. Whether they admit it or not, they're fortunate that they have Filipinos around. They could use a little humor and party action.

Singapore, get ready to be conquered!!! :)

Ancient History

Ancient history. That's all I have to say. I used to update my blog everyday or every week whenever possible but due to some things, I wasn't able to in months.

I recently moved from the Philippines to Singapore for a job I had applied for eight months ago. And I think everything is doing okay. I get paid more to the things I used to do back home. But clients are more demanding and are devil incarnates. So I guess it's but a fair bargain.

All the while I thought Americans are hard-headed. Wait till you meet Singaporeans. I don't know, it might just be the cultural differences that made them the way they are. There's just a whole stretch of things that you would have to understand before getting them. It's just a matter of getting used to.

A lot had happenned since I moved that I don't even know where to begin. If I have some spare time in the future, will update and write about everything.

I need to rest my case for now as I have an early day set for tomorrow. Early shift tomorrow.

FOR ONCE we were...

Convergys days had passed so soon. Soon than everyone expected. And I find myself now at the crossroads where everything seems foreign. Everything new. Everything that I used to be and used to have, now set aside to open the new chapter of my life.

I remember something that my uncle told me. And it goes like, "When you resign or retire from work, you are missed. You will be missed today. And after a few days, life would go on. Business as usual." My uncle may be right but I refuse to believe everything would be just the same without me. (ahem!)

My presence is so not to be ignored. I am a star in my own right. I invented the word spotlight. Much better, limelight. Celebrities won't be celebrities without me. And models are not the same without me. :)

My point being, I may not rock the walls of Convergys One again. Other people may try to do it. But nobody does it better than the one who made it all happen, me.
My friends would always be my friends. They will forever be treasured.

BITTERSWEET

I don't know how to emphasize this enough but things had been a bit hazy for me lately. I have made major decisions in my life and never had I been so powerful and firm in my lifetime.

Two weeks ago, I decided to call it quits and leave Convergys for good. I thought about resigning before but that did not materialize, not until now. Thanks to the friends I have and the bonds that I made, I procrastinated my plan.

I am writing this blog entry as my last one while still at Convergys. It will be that last one entry I am ever going to post. The rest that would follow are entries that would pertain to the new chapter for that road uncharted. The falls, the stumbles, the rises, the joys and the grims I have to go thru, not really in that order.

Bittersweet memories are running thru my head while writing this entry. I have been part of Convergys long enough to meet and bump with some interesting friends and other walks of life. Some that became friends. Some that became an inspiration. Few that became foes and that relatively small portion that I have had misunderstandings with. And yes, that one person that made my heart thump. That one person that made me experience the shivers, the excitement and the thrills of sneaking and stalking all for love's sake. All of those are but a past. The past better off reminisced but not relived.

I have made my resignation as quiet as possible. In fact, a few people only knew about it which I wanted. It was not because I hate dramas but because I preferred graceful exits over hysterical ones. After all, I am a model in my own right.

Many were shocked with the decision that I had made. I have always been the "perky one" among the flock. The hyperactive and the jolly one could ever meet. And I intend to keep the title. I don't want friends to see me crying with tears all over my face. I want them to remember that God damn jolly person they met. That happy-faced. That guy with a genetically unusual high-pitched voice not the crybaby.

I don't know if people were really sad I resigned. But I know majority did. There will always be that marginalized few that were happy I was gone because it was minus one to competition. Genuinely enough, I felt their "I-miss-yous" and the "I'll-text-yous".


I am a firm believer of that saying, "no goodbyes only see you later". And friends, we will see each other later still. It has been fun working with you guys.

FRAIL

In times that you don't expect something to happen and it just happens all of sudden would be the most romantic and funny thing fate can ever do to you. Especially if it's meeting your soulmate or a yummy to-be partner. But if it just involves yourself and your stupid posture that caused the cracking of your spines while getting in a car or a public transport, that's a different story. And that's exactly what happenned to my oh-so-perfect-spines.

It all started on my way to work when I got in in this nice-looking "vehicle-for-rent" a.k.a as fx in the third world country. I was in a rush since a lot of people were trying to get in it. Scarcity of public utility vehicles during this desperate times are evident due to the juxtaposition of people side by side, waiting to be picked up like prostitutes in the red light district. It's like Filipino diaspora in the entire globe everytime I go to work. That's how worst it is. Believe me.

Last night, it was written in my stars that I would get into this not so fancy fx vehicle and it was embedded in my palm lines as well that I would injure my lumbar region without even knowing the reason why. It was like giving a complete stranger your cellphone because you spaced out.

And there I was, seeing myself in the faces of others trying to find a perfect position without that hurt rooted from my lumbar region injury. No matter how slanted or how I do my used-to-be comfy position, still the hurt won't go away. I spent the entire time supporting my body with my both hands grasping what my hands could get a hold of so the pain would be minimized. But it was an absolute discomfort. It really was.

I spent the entire night at work trying to look for that perfect spot so the ache won't consume me. And I was unsuccessful. After a handful of pain reliever and menthol scent on the floor getting into my colleagues' nostrils (poor victims), still I failed to fulfil my agenda - to be numb.

In these trying times when you thought you were invincible, it's funny how we all become vulnerable for a disease that we never ever thought would bring us down. It's funny how we draw our strength from others. To those people that we barely know. To those acquaintances and friends. Just like how we draw our faith from God, praying religiously for everything to go away. Just like that.

Healing is the law of nature. And it needs time to heal. It's just a matter of time for my back to bloom again and fully recuperate. I can't wait to reach my toes while arching my back again, hehe.

The Haunting

Everyday marks the beginning of our new haunting. From the time that we get off from bed til the time that we get on it again, it's interesting how we always see ourselves flawed and imperfect.

Mirror has always been our partner in crime. We always take a closer look at ourselves. Comparing what we don't have and hoping to have what we lack. We always find ways and routes to the road of ephemeral beauty - from our outta bed dos to our lashes to the lips to the pimple to the pore to the scar to the most uninhibited mole in the most unknown part of us, we notice. Hoping that it's gone and away. We find what we don't have and hate or hope for something that we think would look good on us. We drown ourselves with the "what-ifs" and the "I-wish" statements that draw and elicit personal disliking about one's self.

Comparison is just a contagious disease. It makes you realize what you don't have and not seem to be contented with what has been given to you. It makes you take things for granted. It makes you unappreciate the littlest graces, long and become thirsty of grave things you think important that just aren't.

When was the last time that you appreciated yourself? When was the last time that you embraced and walked tall with that wrinkle around your eye AND NOT think of botox for a second there? When was the last time that you counted your blessings?

When you look into the mirror, you see yourself's reflection. You ask about that pimple you see in between your eyebrows and how badly you want to go to your dermatologist for a facial. Oooh, that can be so soothing. And then you suddenly think of your hair, too. That it's begging you for a new do and hair color. And yeah, that hair spa would do such wonders to your scalp. But before you do that, think of children in the streets that have endured hunger whose last meal was yesterday. Those exact same children who had not taken a bath and who never dared to think of their scalp and skin tones simply because they get preoccupied shutting their eyes so they won't feel the hurt from their stomachs.

Whenever you complain about your job, think of people that badly wanted to be in your position - to earn as much and to do what you do. Those who badly need the work that you do to bring food on the table.

Whenever you long for a shirt or a pair of pants that cost hundreds or thousands of pesos, think of those people who could not even afford to buy one. Those who use cartons or grocery boxes as a "make-do" solution for their mishaps, to cover their slender and frail bodies.
I guess what I am saying is, we must learn to appreciate. Learn to savor every bit of something that is being given to us. Be thankful for the things that are provided and not ask for things that are lacking.

In this day and age when the situation has gotten from bad to worse I couldn't help but wonder, "how does an ounce of gratitude help us through life's inconsistencies? Is it really gratitude or faith that we hold on to?"