Spell E-X-P-L-O-I-T-A-T-I-O-N

I cannnot entirely explain why Filipinos get an unusually unfair deal when it comes to saying NO to people. The word is just comprised of two letters and a split second to say. But for us, we'd rather sugarcoat it in multilayers of Godiva chocolate than say it directly. It may be good at times especially in dealing with sensitive people but in most cases, the inability for us to say no is what gets us in trouble. Or in worst cases, exploited.

Exploitation is prevalent everywhere. This is a term not foreign to sales people. They use it to their advantage to convince and tap into the impulsive buying energy to milk out numbers from them. Imagine us going to malls surrounded by a lot of sales people that we cannot say no to. It's just like robbery with consent.

In the workplace, it's the exact scenario as well. Us incapable of saying no makes vulnerable to higher workloads as we could not say NO right away. And it ends up piling the workloads to us even before we can say "I have to think about it!"

I have to do something about this. Let's keep it real. Higher workloads do not really merit my pockets but my job description only, which clearly says MULTITASKER smeared all over the pages of my CV. And it does not obviously help save money as well.

Jack Of All Trades and Master Of None. I really have to seriously ponder on this.

Love Fool

Many have tried to look for it. A few had been successful. Some fake it. Some really find it, for real. But once found, it doesn't end there. It will be another part of the vicious cycle of endurance and compromise for it to work out. And when it does just not work out, you're in to a one hell of a heartbreak. Silly thing they call it love.

But it keeps us together. Bonded. That what makes us human. The ability to feel the sparks, the tingling sensation, the hurt, the pain and the painstaking system of moving on. It's all part of the deal.

I am writing this blog as tribute to a friend - Ching, who recently got her docile heart broken. Suddenly and unexpectedly. She has been suffering from that constant sobs for almost a while now. A fragile heart, she optimistically tries to move forward after the aches and scars of the experience. I cannot blame her. It was a collection of her firsts. And this also happens to be her first break up moment away from her support system - family, as she is here with us in Singapore.

She is a gentle spirit. I know she will move on. She better keep on trying. She cannot be in that dark nook forever. I know she won't stay in the dark. She just needs time to process everything and sort things out herself. No matter how cliche this is, 'time heals all wounds'. I should know as I had just gotten over from a serious first heartbreak.

It was not a walk in the park. Actually, it was more like running behind a pit bull to save yourself from rabies.

Monosexual

Before going to sleep and after watching American Idol Season 7, I decided to look for eye candies first before I knock myself off to bed. And there I was, finding myself doing a little bit of "ass exercises" to improve my cute and almost soggy touche while surfing on the web. Staring myself at the glass panel of my closet as I have no mirror provided in my room (Laptop loading, nothing to see yet), I couldn't help but wonder, "What Am I Doing This Damn Exercise For?"

Who would actually love this not-proportioned body of mine? Of-these-bulges-that-I-have-since-High-School-that-I-didn't-dare-to-lose-before-that-I am-trying-to-do-now-which-is-so-hard-to-do-as-this-had-been-part-of-me-since-I-started-to-notice-that-men-have-penises-and-women-have-vaginas-and-that-I-am-losing-it-and-I-better-stop-and-move-on.

*Snaps out of it*

Anyways, after minutes of exercising and looking at photos of gorgeous people on the net and reading thru juicy gossips, it just occurred to me, "Is monosexual a word or a term that is grammatically correct?" Because I completely realize with absolute conviction that I was not going to the gym or I am not trying to be fit for anyone. But for myself.

Does that make me monosexual? A term I made up to describe myself. Merriam-webster, please contact me for copyright issues if this is not in your list yet!

What if I am monosexual? A term I coined and I define as a person who loves oneself and doesn't seem to favor or long for attachment, commitment or sexual relationships at all. Or am I just being sour and bitter at the same time as up til now I am still single and uninvolved?

I would have to swing the bat again until I get a strike and hit the home run. I think I am not making any sense anymore. I don't even know what I am talking about. It must be the heavy feeling in my head as it is past my bed time already.

This would have to wait until I give it some real thought and careful analysis. Gees, I sound like a dork. It's not like I am depolarizing a magnet or separating the particles of water and salt from my sweat!

Sheesh, sleep me. Ssssllllllleeeeppp...

Zzzzz....

Looks Is No More

When I was a little younger, I have always looked at the physical side of things. For a possible relationship, I tended to gear towards what others and I would say beautiful. Nice porcelain complexion, blue eyes/green eyes/brown eyes but not squinted, model-like features and the rest I left with total embodiment of a God. For things that I want, it still remains the same. I still gauge the things that I buy with the short-lived and most cliche standards of beauty. Of what I think is beautiful.

Looks was what made me swoon over this person. And during the course of the hopeful loving, sour experience of being heartbroken and thanks to that person who invented the words moving on, it's all plain history. I was just telling Marky how I was able to move on already and how funny it was that I only feel a little tingling love sensation to this naive person now. And that was a few days ago.

It is ironic because this heartbreaker I meet everyday in the office. Every second I tended to feel the sparks and the giddy feeling when I see him and when I talk to him. Funny how I was forced to move on. It wasn't the three-month-moving-on rule. It was way more than that. But anyhow, I moved on. And I can honestly and completely say that I have this time around.

I met the heartbreaker again at the gym last night. Did the usual his and hellos just like in the office but with a hug this time. With a big strong hug. With a smothering hey pal hug. And guess what. No feeling. Zilch. Zapped. Na-da anymore. The feeling that used to make me smile over my head is now something that I consider relevant to my existence to transcend into a new me.

I guess what I am trying to point out is I used to rely so much on beauty. And believe me, standards of beauty can be practiced so much in the gym where all walks of life try to exude that beauty that they thought they have. And you can feast your eyes on those sculpted bodies with Godly features, faces whom you wish did not have bodies and those bodies who need not have heads because of the not-so-desirable features.

After a while, you would get used to it and realize that hey, these people look for the same people as themselves and God knows how narcissistic that is. But they still look for it. If not better and more good looking. After observing these people (me not included as I am the observer, hihihi), these hopefuls are actually looking for heartbreaks.

Looks is not the very foundation of relationship. It's bound to fail. Don't get me wrong. Beautiful people make my head turns and go for a second look. But thats all there is to it. I have learned my lesson. The hard way.

I just don't know if what I wrote is true or if it has something to hold it together. What the heck. That's why it's called blogging. So I can blur it out.

My Valentine Tribute

Quite a couple of months ago, somebody broke my heart. And the funny thing was that somebody did not know about it. Or maybe that person did and was just playing naive so that THAT somebody could have no guilt feelings and take it on himself.

I was a wreck a couple of months back. I was always crying on the bus on the way home alone and would listen to songs 'Someday' by Nina and 'I Miss You' by Aaliyah just to get by. I did not want my friends to know about it since we were living in one house back then in Upper Thomson, Singapore. Well, my friends knew that I have a thing on this person but they did not know how much I got affected and completely blown away by this feeling. That was until I broke down and cried on the terrace at 3am in the morning with the restrained sobs that eventually got heard by a few friends that completely blew up my cover.

I could still remember how everyone was so supportive and caring. How everyone would be quiet and be very sensitive about the whole thing. And thanks to them I recovered.

Recovery was the hardest part of falling in love, especially if it was a heartbreak. I had to be put through a lot of awkward situations and confrontations. And not to mention the struggles and art of avoiding, which I almost perfected along the way. My case was not breaking up with the person. It didn't even start yet for crying out loud. It was not even something that I considered budding lovers. It was more of like 'I-love-you...then...what?Are-you-ahmm...Have-you-eaten?' scenario where no confrontation and confession existed. It was more of like a one-way love. Pathetic, isn't it? What can I say, I joined the club.

Fast forwarded to the next couple of months after, I managed to survive the pains and aches but have completely missed out the tingles and sparks of what they call the power of love. Nevertherless, the incident contributed to so many firsts in my life. First love. First heartbreak. First support from friends. First drama. First confusion. First heartfelt decision. First crying marathon. You name it, it's there.

The feeling is still there I must admit. That little stubborn flame inside me that just won't go off. Time will tell.

Time will tell. But one thing is for sure. I would not fall to any LOVE SHENANIGANS no more! *fingers crossed*

Back with a Vengeance

One of my closest friends in Singapore told me that he had read my blog. And I got so surprised not only because not so many people I know read about it but also the fact that I don't get to update it as often as before. In fact, my last entry was September of last year and it wasn't as "interesting and entertaining" as I imagined it to be. But hey, that's why they call it 'trial and error', right?

Hmm, well. After taking careful and a lot of thinking over running on the treadmill, I decided to take his word for it and unpark my pen for some entries that would spice up the old me again.

And here I am, semi-new with this thing that I used to do back then, getting a fresh start for the year 2008. To tell you the truth, I wanted to write days before, after I had made up my mind but time is just too short.

A lot to expect from hereon out. This time, I would like to broaden my insights over happennings of my life. Not just about bickering, ranting and being sour most of the time. I would like to post entries about my eureka moments and happy thoughts that just go randomly in my head, as well.

I was told by this close friend that it was always about not-so-good-stuff that I write. Like I am not aware of it. I find it as my guilty pleasure. It has always been easier for me to write these things than happy-happy-nice-nice things as I find no absolute relevance in other people's life to read about my euphoric and orgasmic experiences.

Like Duh! Hahaha. Oh, well. Feedback noted.

More entries from now on.


P.S.

I do not know how to upload photos. Until I figure it out, my page will still remain photo-less and as dainty as the skies painted perfectly by landscape artists.