A day rest from work can do wonders, at least for me anyways. It's not about going out that lightens me up, but the sleep that I get - undisrupted since it's not everyday that I get one. Not thinking about the pressure and the mishaps that I get from stressful calls is something that keeps my mind off of things that constantly bug me from the moment I open my eyes til the time that I close them. How poetic! (and a bit exaggerated! hihi.)
So, whenever I have the time to somehow recharge and get as much sleep as possible, I take advantage. It keeps me positive, and watching movies that I buy in bulk everytime I go to the mall just reinforces that feeling.
You see, I do not go out a lot. I prefer watching movies at home and lying on our comfy couch the entire day til my eyes get weary. And close them. Snore. Wipe my sleep spittle. Wake up in the middle of the day and pee. Then sleep again. Watch movies after. And it's a vicious cycle, what can I say. Nevertheless, a simple life.
I am shallow. I know, I need to get a life. AND I don't want to grow old to be a grumpy grandfather or a loner in some retirement institute (I know it's not gonna happen!Filipino here, HELLO!!!). Somebody who never experienced to exercise and who has lived with the most disgusting body ever recorded in Guiness Book of World Records is definitely not my standard of beauty. I want to be called a hunk sometime in the future. Who doesn't?
(Thinks, aloud)
I have been called so many names already and I managed to live up to them. I have been called gorgeous always. I have been mistaken as a Hollywood celebrity. Some regard me as perfect. Some a model on a pedestal. And those terms are just music to my ears. Who's complaining? I will never get enough of those. You just can't help but appreciate those people that can admire true beauty.
If any of you bump into me in some high class promenade or some elite leisure haven, please, please, please, just be inventive in calling me such names. Being colloquial and Shakespearea-like won't hurt you, you know.
Can somebody think of another word for me? A word that would truly embody me.
ME. Geez, I am patronizing me. Self-preservation. I like it. If that's gonna make me stay positive, it ain't gonna hurt yah, yah know!!!
Friday, October 27, 2006
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
THE ART OF LETTING GO
Last weekend was the best weekend I have ever had in my lifetime. It was somewhat paradoxical since I have not been into reflections and soul-searching much my entire life. For some weird reason, a friend sent me a message and wanted to meet with me to chitchat. And so we did.
Upon meeting, we had our usual exchanges - the common "how-are-you?", kisses, hugs and the eagerness to see a friend for ages. But not the things that 'friends with benefit' do, hell no!!!But it was nevertheless such a fun moment, like a saint on the verge of his epiphany.
And so, after our darn greetings, we decided to watch a movie - The Banquet starred by Zhang Ziyi. Loved it. Fell in love with it. Don't you just love the martial arts mixed with such ultimate grace? It was so refreshing to see people flying. And fighting. Flying and fighting at the same time. But of course, there's so much more than that. It's such done with great taste. I truly recommend it.
Well. On to my story.
Right after the movie, we decided to satisfy our tongues' urge for the Italian palate. Piadina became our witness for the conversation that became my eye-opener. Like me, She has gone thru a lot of risks. Risks that made her weigh her options and somehow choose the lesser evil. The lesser evil that would be more beneficial in dealing with life.
She mentioned her brother during our conversation over the quattro formagi (spell check, please), a thin-crust pizza made up of four kinds of cheese and carbonara on our table that somehow influenced her in a good way. She has made me realize things that are far more important and sort out my perspectives as well. I think it is my sole responsibility to impart that realization to you guys as these might help you go with the flow of life, and not go against it.
These are just some of the few good things to ponder:
1. Life is not all about career. Career is just a pseudo-goal most of us are preoccupied of. At twenty-something, we go thru the quarterly crisis. We compare ourselves to our peers and contemporaries, especially to those who became successful in their chosen careers, abruptly. You pity yourself for staying stagnant and become envious for people who seemed to be living their dreams.
What you must remember though is that God made plans for us. Plans that do not happen the same day or date your rival at school got his/her glory just as quick as exercising his/her knuckles.
WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A CAREER IS. We were just laid with the possibilities, just like picking a trinket in that wide-stretched stalls in Divisoria. Options. Meaning ephemeral. Not lasting.
At most times, we get drowned thinking 'what-might-have-beens' or 'what-could-have-beens'. Our shoulda, woulda, couldas. Our aspirations in life. We were placed in awkward situations we never ever thought possible. We encounter people and friends. Colleagues and acquaintances. Friends and foes. All for a reason.
Don't be that person who has a career but never ever got to live a life he wanted. Be that person who lived the life he wanted and eventually got a career in the process. Look within yourself and contemplate. If you don't know the skills that you're good at, stop looking. Begin honing and treasuring each experience you pick up along the way. It's not all about the career, it's the process of getting there that makes the experience worthwhile.
2. Learn to appreciate the littlest things. Cherish each experience. Don't be such a haste.
Remember that an experience, no matter how sweet or bitter is worth every pain and joy. Cherish every heartache. Every smile. Every giggle. Appreciate that you have two legs and ten toes. Appreciate and embrace what makes you YOU. Discover and rediscover. Remember what Friedrich Nietzche (I think it was him, not sure though. :) ) had said, "that doesn't kill you makes you stronger".
Life is not always walking on the rainbow. It's not about discovering the pot of gold at the end of it. Sometimes, you have to work double as hard to unearth something to expose its true beauty. Like a heartbreak, it's a given. But still, one chooses to love. It's not anticipating the heartbreak, but picking up the shattered pieces and glueing them all together after. It's not the before. It's the after that's more important.
3. Let go. Letting go of something is somewhat the best exercise to be free. Be free from constrictions. Free yourself from pressure. From emotions that tire you. From thoughts that wear you out.
Letting go of a dream is achieving your dream. Events unravel themselves to your advantage. Leave everything to the Lord and loosen up. I am not saying to slack off and bum around like a sloth. But instead, make short-term goals instead of the long-term ones.
Live life as it unfolds itself. Live life one step at a time. The future is the uncertain. The uncertainty of life is what spices it up. Don't strip yourself from that, you owe yourself at least that.
Upon meeting, we had our usual exchanges - the common "how-are-you?", kisses, hugs and the eagerness to see a friend for ages. But not the things that 'friends with benefit' do, hell no!!!But it was nevertheless such a fun moment, like a saint on the verge of his epiphany.
And so, after our darn greetings, we decided to watch a movie - The Banquet starred by Zhang Ziyi. Loved it. Fell in love with it. Don't you just love the martial arts mixed with such ultimate grace? It was so refreshing to see people flying. And fighting. Flying and fighting at the same time. But of course, there's so much more than that. It's such done with great taste. I truly recommend it.
Well. On to my story.
Right after the movie, we decided to satisfy our tongues' urge for the Italian palate. Piadina became our witness for the conversation that became my eye-opener. Like me, She has gone thru a lot of risks. Risks that made her weigh her options and somehow choose the lesser evil. The lesser evil that would be more beneficial in dealing with life.
She mentioned her brother during our conversation over the quattro formagi (spell check, please), a thin-crust pizza made up of four kinds of cheese and carbonara on our table that somehow influenced her in a good way. She has made me realize things that are far more important and sort out my perspectives as well. I think it is my sole responsibility to impart that realization to you guys as these might help you go with the flow of life, and not go against it.
These are just some of the few good things to ponder:
1. Life is not all about career. Career is just a pseudo-goal most of us are preoccupied of. At twenty-something, we go thru the quarterly crisis. We compare ourselves to our peers and contemporaries, especially to those who became successful in their chosen careers, abruptly. You pity yourself for staying stagnant and become envious for people who seemed to be living their dreams.
What you must remember though is that God made plans for us. Plans that do not happen the same day or date your rival at school got his/her glory just as quick as exercising his/her knuckles.
WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A CAREER IS. We were just laid with the possibilities, just like picking a trinket in that wide-stretched stalls in Divisoria. Options. Meaning ephemeral. Not lasting.
At most times, we get drowned thinking 'what-might-have-beens' or 'what-could-have-beens'. Our shoulda, woulda, couldas. Our aspirations in life. We were placed in awkward situations we never ever thought possible. We encounter people and friends. Colleagues and acquaintances. Friends and foes. All for a reason.
Don't be that person who has a career but never ever got to live a life he wanted. Be that person who lived the life he wanted and eventually got a career in the process. Look within yourself and contemplate. If you don't know the skills that you're good at, stop looking. Begin honing and treasuring each experience you pick up along the way. It's not all about the career, it's the process of getting there that makes the experience worthwhile.
2. Learn to appreciate the littlest things. Cherish each experience. Don't be such a haste.
Remember that an experience, no matter how sweet or bitter is worth every pain and joy. Cherish every heartache. Every smile. Every giggle. Appreciate that you have two legs and ten toes. Appreciate and embrace what makes you YOU. Discover and rediscover. Remember what Friedrich Nietzche (I think it was him, not sure though. :) ) had said, "that doesn't kill you makes you stronger".
Life is not always walking on the rainbow. It's not about discovering the pot of gold at the end of it. Sometimes, you have to work double as hard to unearth something to expose its true beauty. Like a heartbreak, it's a given. But still, one chooses to love. It's not anticipating the heartbreak, but picking up the shattered pieces and glueing them all together after. It's not the before. It's the after that's more important.
3. Let go. Letting go of something is somewhat the best exercise to be free. Be free from constrictions. Free yourself from pressure. From emotions that tire you. From thoughts that wear you out.
Letting go of a dream is achieving your dream. Events unravel themselves to your advantage. Leave everything to the Lord and loosen up. I am not saying to slack off and bum around like a sloth. But instead, make short-term goals instead of the long-term ones.
Live life as it unfolds itself. Live life one step at a time. The future is the uncertain. The uncertainty of life is what spices it up. Don't strip yourself from that, you owe yourself at least that.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Pieces of Me
I was absent last night from work. I tried to get up and prepare to come to work but my body just could not endure such harrassment anymore.
The lack of sleep and the nocturnal lifestyle wore me down eventually.
The puffy eyes indicated that I am not invincibe after all.
The low blood pressure, emotional battery and mental shocks had visited my thoughts everyday, knowing that such a job with the so-so compensation would toll grave penalties.
I am but a candle lit with flame that flickers toward the direction of the wind. I am but the embers of the bonfire deeply buried into the sand for containment. Thus, a ripple that suddenly livens the water in the stillness of its serenity. I am but a wanderer during the day and a worker by night.
I am a creature that wanders. Whose thoughts fixates on inanimate thoughts and worthless ideas. A phoenix waiting to rise from the ashes. I am the warm breath that everybody covets. A star bragging its twinkle from the rest. A treasure waiting to be discovered from the test of antiquity.
I am no different from a diamond on the rough. The imperfections that define its perfection and beauty.
I am but me. I can offer no less or no more than who I am. Love me or hate me. It's just plain black and white.
Rawness defines me. I am the stain of blood that trickles in the sand. That endures time. That embodies tainted innocence.
The lack of sleep and the nocturnal lifestyle wore me down eventually.
The puffy eyes indicated that I am not invincibe after all.
The low blood pressure, emotional battery and mental shocks had visited my thoughts everyday, knowing that such a job with the so-so compensation would toll grave penalties.
I am but a candle lit with flame that flickers toward the direction of the wind. I am but the embers of the bonfire deeply buried into the sand for containment. Thus, a ripple that suddenly livens the water in the stillness of its serenity. I am but a wanderer during the day and a worker by night.
I am a creature that wanders. Whose thoughts fixates on inanimate thoughts and worthless ideas. A phoenix waiting to rise from the ashes. I am the warm breath that everybody covets. A star bragging its twinkle from the rest. A treasure waiting to be discovered from the test of antiquity.
I am no different from a diamond on the rough. The imperfections that define its perfection and beauty.
I am but me. I can offer no less or no more than who I am. Love me or hate me. It's just plain black and white.
Rawness defines me. I am the stain of blood that trickles in the sand. That endures time. That embodies tainted innocence.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
TRAUMATIZED
I have not been enthusiastic enough to write interesting stuff lately primarily because I am undergoing a relatively deep and grave amount of trauma. A trauma that started from stress. Stress that was rooted from work. And it's painstakingly aggravating me, A LOT.
Recently, I found out that we have this perfomance action plan that reprimands people in the workplace, and that would be ME, US. People that have not reached and met one metric on the program - a satisfaction survey metric (a grade incurred from surveyed customers) would have a memo or a corrective action plan issued to them. A survey that is based and executed thru random sampling. That one metric that we have no control over. And we get reprimanded for it. For a survey. For a survey that we have no control of. A metric based on mere luck and timing.
AND GUESS WHAT, irate callers are so eager to fill out the surveys. To make matters worse, people that you have "helped" and considered you an "angel" never bother to fill the surveys out. Pathetic. So now, they give you some kind of a warning for something that you have NO control of.
Bottomline is, even if I perform well and pass all the metrics with flying colors and flunk that one metric which is actually the case, you're in for a big trouble. I got one already (Can you imagine? Double duh!), and this has been the first warning I have received and signed my entire life. Not just me actually, but most of us did. That just speaks a lot about that stupid thing. THAT that is NOT a valid criterion to measure or gauge one's performance. It's based on judgment. Unfair judgment. That's what's ticking me off real bad. You get this love letter from your Team Leader stating that if you don't comply and manage to leverage your game, you're out of the company. Meaning, Termination. FOR A SURVEY. FOR A SATISFACTION SURVEY. For a God damn survey that irate callers are so eager to fill out. And that would cause the termination of your employment. Sweet. So just and so becoming. Ew!
Considering the fact that we abide by the rules and procedures given to us by our superiors and the clients, we have no choice but to follow them. We do. At least I do, I strictly comply. In most cases, we get surveyed for calls concerning a policy or a procedure that customers are against with. And we are helpless. We get fried for something that we follow. For policies that could not be bent. Policies that we risk our asses off just so we can be reprimanded to result to termination.
(Typing with fingers pressed against the keyboard) (Translation - Annoyed)
What can I say? Need I say more? Injustice happens. I think, I would have to thank the people behind this brilliant idea. Without them, I would not have come to the realization that I am better appreciated in a program that actually recognizes me. WHICH is not this program.
(Sighs with desperation)
As frontliners in this business, we protect our client that we represent and the company that we work for. But neither is protecting us. We are always put on the spot. It disheartens me that there are no actions made to protect our interests. I guess I just have to wait and see what's gonna happen.
Just for the record, I am not the blonde stupid boy who doesn't know the difference of black and blue. I am not the male version of Paris Hilton.
-------------------------
Anybody can say whatever they want. This is what I am feeling now. I'm sure I share the same sentiments with others. I don't need assurance or whatever. So get lost. hehe.
Recently, I found out that we have this perfomance action plan that reprimands people in the workplace, and that would be ME, US. People that have not reached and met one metric on the program - a satisfaction survey metric (a grade incurred from surveyed customers) would have a memo or a corrective action plan issued to them. A survey that is based and executed thru random sampling. That one metric that we have no control over. And we get reprimanded for it. For a survey. For a survey that we have no control of. A metric based on mere luck and timing.
AND GUESS WHAT, irate callers are so eager to fill out the surveys. To make matters worse, people that you have "helped" and considered you an "angel" never bother to fill the surveys out. Pathetic. So now, they give you some kind of a warning for something that you have NO control of.
Bottomline is, even if I perform well and pass all the metrics with flying colors and flunk that one metric which is actually the case, you're in for a big trouble. I got one already (Can you imagine? Double duh!), and this has been the first warning I have received and signed my entire life. Not just me actually, but most of us did. That just speaks a lot about that stupid thing. THAT that is NOT a valid criterion to measure or gauge one's performance. It's based on judgment. Unfair judgment. That's what's ticking me off real bad. You get this love letter from your Team Leader stating that if you don't comply and manage to leverage your game, you're out of the company. Meaning, Termination. FOR A SURVEY. FOR A SATISFACTION SURVEY. For a God damn survey that irate callers are so eager to fill out. And that would cause the termination of your employment. Sweet. So just and so becoming. Ew!
Considering the fact that we abide by the rules and procedures given to us by our superiors and the clients, we have no choice but to follow them. We do. At least I do, I strictly comply. In most cases, we get surveyed for calls concerning a policy or a procedure that customers are against with. And we are helpless. We get fried for something that we follow. For policies that could not be bent. Policies that we risk our asses off just so we can be reprimanded to result to termination.
(Typing with fingers pressed against the keyboard) (Translation - Annoyed)
What can I say? Need I say more? Injustice happens. I think, I would have to thank the people behind this brilliant idea. Without them, I would not have come to the realization that I am better appreciated in a program that actually recognizes me. WHICH is not this program.
(Sighs with desperation)
As frontliners in this business, we protect our client that we represent and the company that we work for. But neither is protecting us. We are always put on the spot. It disheartens me that there are no actions made to protect our interests. I guess I just have to wait and see what's gonna happen.
Just for the record, I am not the blonde stupid boy who doesn't know the difference of black and blue. I am not the male version of Paris Hilton.
-------------------------
Anybody can say whatever they want. This is what I am feeling now. I'm sure I share the same sentiments with others. I don't need assurance or whatever. So get lost. hehe.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
TIMES are HARD but...
I have contemplated and resorted to the idea that everybody strives to earn as much money as possible, especially in this era where money is all that makes the world revolve around its axis. So if you do not have the dough to pay for whatever service you can possibly render, then you're screwed.
Both services and commodities that vary from simple to complex need money to function. Horses and carabaos were replaced by wheeled-vehicles for transportation. The latest model of the car or an SUV, the better. Water that used to be free had been marked as the most profitable means for income production. Yes, you can still drink tap water. But do not expect to be all normal and jolly after that liquid intake. Consider yourself lucky if you're diarrhea-free after 24 hours which is not exactly always the case. If you are really, really unlucky you'll have amoeba swimming in your intestines as a bonus.
From simple kiosk to as grand as fine dining. From simple walking to full-tanked engines of four-wheeled vehicles, sometimes with two or three wheels. From simple and inexpensive sweet pleasures to lavish and money-driven activities. Massages that used to be free had been re-packaged to be as a profitable means to generate income and has been prevalent today hiding behind spas and lairs of leisure. Strategically stationed in mall promenades, blind people just seem to jump in the bandwagon as well. Capitalists have a haven for a used-to-be-free-relaxation to somewhat a luxurious activity for the rich and the famous. A peso could not even get us anywhere now, except for jueteng (a kind of gambling here in the brownass land Filipinas) and buying a local-made candy, I think.
Everything is being modified and molded to provide a better and money-driven society. But the question is, is it for our own betterment? Or is it just an indicator that we have managed to raise the bars even higher to satisfy our insatiable desires for things that can be bought by money? What happened to barter system and neighbor looking out for one another? What happened to us? What had made us monsters and money-whores?
Times are hard, yes. We need to look back and reflect on what had happened to us. Money may buy almost everything, but it should not be the reason for living.
Both services and commodities that vary from simple to complex need money to function. Horses and carabaos were replaced by wheeled-vehicles for transportation. The latest model of the car or an SUV, the better. Water that used to be free had been marked as the most profitable means for income production. Yes, you can still drink tap water. But do not expect to be all normal and jolly after that liquid intake. Consider yourself lucky if you're diarrhea-free after 24 hours which is not exactly always the case. If you are really, really unlucky you'll have amoeba swimming in your intestines as a bonus.
From simple kiosk to as grand as fine dining. From simple walking to full-tanked engines of four-wheeled vehicles, sometimes with two or three wheels. From simple and inexpensive sweet pleasures to lavish and money-driven activities. Massages that used to be free had been re-packaged to be as a profitable means to generate income and has been prevalent today hiding behind spas and lairs of leisure. Strategically stationed in mall promenades, blind people just seem to jump in the bandwagon as well. Capitalists have a haven for a used-to-be-free-relaxation to somewhat a luxurious activity for the rich and the famous. A peso could not even get us anywhere now, except for jueteng (a kind of gambling here in the brownass land Filipinas) and buying a local-made candy, I think.
Everything is being modified and molded to provide a better and money-driven society. But the question is, is it for our own betterment? Or is it just an indicator that we have managed to raise the bars even higher to satisfy our insatiable desires for things that can be bought by money? What happened to barter system and neighbor looking out for one another? What happened to us? What had made us monsters and money-whores?
Times are hard, yes. We need to look back and reflect on what had happened to us. Money may buy almost everything, but it should not be the reason for living.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
A CONCERNED CITIZEN
Earlier this week, so much had been going around my head. I was planning to write about things that would NOT normally come out from my true self. Topics that spark for hope, love and dreams which I do NOT usually think of since I am so screwed up. (Kidding :) . I am SO PERFECT. I could not ask for something more. :) I just thank God I was created in a perfect mold, hihi.)
(Chuckles) I get deranged easily. My thought just flies by me whenever I don't take notes of them. So they're just like dust in wind. Just in limbo. I wonder when I can afford a laptop, a good one just so I can write down anything that comes to mind right after I had watched a good movie, while drinking a Venti Mocha frappucino at Starbucks or even in the stillness of the night where crickets hum and create some sick melody. I think that would be super.
I wanted to write something about what happened last week where a lot had been damaged due to that typhoon. Poor us. Trees were uprooted. Roofs were detached from the ceiling of houses. Billboard steel railing mounts were bent and crushed. We were a complete wreck. A lot had died. Some homeless in just a matter of hours. From bad, it became worse. And from worse to worst. And you know, I could have dwelled and expanded on this topic but I just had no time to even explain this in detail. Good thing I tried. And you get the picture. Words like uprooted, detached, bent, crushed, wreck and died pretty much say it all. It's just like giving a flyer in malls.
Besides, there was nothing much good fruition from that experience. Just homeless people, flooded homes and damaged structures. I think the only good thing were those politicians who came out again from their burrows to media-whore around! Assholes and Bitches! They really know when to step forward and be recognized. It's not like they would get my vote. Crazy and greedy suckers! Dream on!
(Chuckles) I get deranged easily. My thought just flies by me whenever I don't take notes of them. So they're just like dust in wind. Just in limbo. I wonder when I can afford a laptop, a good one just so I can write down anything that comes to mind right after I had watched a good movie, while drinking a Venti Mocha frappucino at Starbucks or even in the stillness of the night where crickets hum and create some sick melody. I think that would be super.
I wanted to write something about what happened last week where a lot had been damaged due to that typhoon. Poor us. Trees were uprooted. Roofs were detached from the ceiling of houses. Billboard steel railing mounts were bent and crushed. We were a complete wreck. A lot had died. Some homeless in just a matter of hours. From bad, it became worse. And from worse to worst. And you know, I could have dwelled and expanded on this topic but I just had no time to even explain this in detail. Good thing I tried. And you get the picture. Words like uprooted, detached, bent, crushed, wreck and died pretty much say it all. It's just like giving a flyer in malls.
Besides, there was nothing much good fruition from that experience. Just homeless people, flooded homes and damaged structures. I think the only good thing were those politicians who came out again from their burrows to media-whore around! Assholes and Bitches! They really know when to step forward and be recognized. It's not like they would get my vote. Crazy and greedy suckers! Dream on!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
PROWLER
People are leaving, FAST. I don't know what it is or what lies beneath this oh-so-nice program of ours but people just seem to come and GO (all in caps). People just can't seem to get enough of this.
What are they complaining about? I see no problem with this program (dumbfounded), or maybe I am just overlooking it. I can't deny the fact that people are somewhat suffocated. Some had expressed such disdain to the account. Some who have the courage to endure such disdain serve the thirty-day-notice. Some who just can't stomach the run-arounds just disappear like a bursted bubble in the air. And to others that remain are just waiting for the right moment to express "issues", so to speak like a scorned woman waiting for revenge.
And you know what, I don't know. Maybe I am just naive or something. I somewhat do not feel such pressure in the air. Maybe I am just new in the account and I just haven't experienced such "hmmmf-ness" or encounter any adversaries along the way. There is definitely a little bit icky-ness about some things that I am not comfortable in sharing. Sorry guys. :) But nothing grave, really. Just a little bit of this and that.
I am not numb. I just prowl and watch over for now. I am new. So there's that prowling that I need to do. Yeah, just prowl. Otherwise, I'd be trapped in a quicksand like an innocent and careless low-life unimportant being on top of the earth. I wouldn't want that to happen. Afterall, my curly hair is slowly growing little by little. And I am loving it.
What are they complaining about? I see no problem with this program (dumbfounded), or maybe I am just overlooking it. I can't deny the fact that people are somewhat suffocated. Some had expressed such disdain to the account. Some who have the courage to endure such disdain serve the thirty-day-notice. Some who just can't stomach the run-arounds just disappear like a bursted bubble in the air. And to others that remain are just waiting for the right moment to express "issues", so to speak like a scorned woman waiting for revenge.
And you know what, I don't know. Maybe I am just naive or something. I somewhat do not feel such pressure in the air. Maybe I am just new in the account and I just haven't experienced such "hmmmf-ness" or encounter any adversaries along the way. There is definitely a little bit icky-ness about some things that I am not comfortable in sharing. Sorry guys. :) But nothing grave, really. Just a little bit of this and that.
I am not numb. I just prowl and watch over for now. I am new. So there's that prowling that I need to do. Yeah, just prowl. Otherwise, I'd be trapped in a quicksand like an innocent and careless low-life unimportant being on top of the earth. I wouldn't want that to happen. Afterall, my curly hair is slowly growing little by little. And I am loving it.
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