"What-Ifs"

We are our own self.

We always hear this advice from successful people especially from personalities who eventually made their mark in their respective fields. For some reason they just make it easier to believe, and say it for that matter. They always say to be comfortable with your own skin, you are what you are and among those remarks of wisdom. They tell us to be us and not be someone else.

In a world, where standards of beauty rely on race and social constructs, we will never be comfortable in our own vessel, unless everything in the world is created equal and flawless. We will only be our own self if all peoples regard each race as equal as they are.

We have a lot of "what-ifs" in our lives, trying to live a dream that we know will never happen and somehow fulfill a fantasy we know we can never attain in our lifetime. Our "what-ifs" give us a much more reason to believe in ourselves. Our "what-ifs" make us who we are. These keep us going in a world full of communal chaos and splashes of deceits. Our "what-ifs" give us an opportunity to experiment and provide an scapegoat for ourselves, creating a prism of our different selves or would-be personalities.

Some may never accept or embrace their race or denounce who they are, but we will come to terms with our thoughts and our selves, thus keeping us sane and grounded. We will somehow deal with our "what-ifs" and so-called inferiorities, in time. Change does not happen overnight, it is a process.

Until it happens, fire up the hopes of our "what-ifs" and continue with the journey of our so-called-life.

A Difference Between Work And A Laundromat

Have you ever felt so bummed you could just not do anything aside from work? Have you felt that sudden urge to let go and resign to relieve yourself of your work duties and end it all? I have, but not everyday.

Working is the same as doing your own laundry, washing and wearing your clothes every once in a while. You feel no definite satisfaction other than the company of friends and colleagues. In doing the laundry and having a work, one follows a step by step procedure, a procedure only different in maybe one or two steps.

In doing the laundry, you wear the clothes first, take them off, soak them with a detergent, put them in the washing machine and then rinse. Well, same goes when you have work. You go to work directly from bed, take a bath but not necessary a detergant but a bath soap or better, damp dry your body and put whatever lotion or any beauty secret you're zealotously hooked with and get an office outfit and, voila, you're ready to go to work. There may have been changes in the steps to follow, but, nevertheless, same in nature.

The only thing noticeable and distinct is in doing a laundry, you can stop at anytime you want. You can suspend and put your life behind you and you could do it after suspension. Well, at work, when you resign, you do things again. You start from scratch and you're back from square one. It doesn't matter if you have removed the stains and marks of mishaps and achieved triumph in oh-so-little-time. Every work, every job, needs a time to prove one's self and be ahead of everyone, if possible.

Somebody's somebody

I was doing my own laundry at this time when I got to ponder on something that hasn't crossed my mind in my lifetime yet. This would be the day of my awakening, awakening of my adult state of mind and views with matters of love and soulmate?

When I try to view the concept of love, I could not help but view the world, too. Getting in love is just like a game of hope. A game of luck. Majority of people get to fall in and out of love so many times in their lifetime before they get to find the one and get in love all over again. It's like a vicious cycle. A cycle we don't know when to end. A cycle of love and hate and recovery. I could not decipher how two people get to meet and eventually click, and only to find out later that they are better off living their separate lives. Or, a person loving someone that doesn't love that person back. I mean, yes, there will always be that animal behavoir, that pheromone scent to mark the territory when it comes to love and partners. It's a given. But how does two individuals get to meet and find their opposite halves with that exact same feeling of love for one another? In a world where people interact with people, is there such a thing as finding a soulmate? Or is this term as vague as finding a needle in a haystack, or even worse, finding you're own guiding star amidst the galaxies?

Is finding a soulmate as good as finding somebody within your territory? Or is finding one bigger than that concept? We get to meet people within our boundaries, within our comfort zones. There might be times that we get to meet and have some wild encounters outside our circle of friends but that's just a rare ocassion. And if that's the case, is finding a somebody's somebody an obligation or does it come in God's time? Lucky are the people who got hold of their opposite halves in so little time from far away places.

But when will that prince charming climb that tower and rescue you if he doesn't even know which tower in the world he should climb to to find and give his kiss away? For how long will that princess have to wait staying in that encaged and isolated confinement for his prince to climb that filthy tower? Are fairy tales bound to remain on books and children's stories and leave men and women hopefuls for their somebody's somebody?

Is humanity bound to its predestined doom? Or is the concept so intricate and perfect that each one of us has that distinct opposite that looks for us too, no matter how far we are fom them. Does it matter if we're here from the Philippines and they're there in Timbuktu or Antarctica or will they eventually find their way to us?

I guess that question is, how long will we have to wait?Better yet, how long will we have to be hopeful for our knights in shining armor or our damsells in distress? Will we wait til the princes' penises could no longer raise their flags and squirt their sperms to the so called fallopian tubes? Will we wait til the damsels' egg cells become raisins and imperfect for fertilization and reach that menopausal stage and literally run out of egg cells?

I guess what I am saying is, how are we sure that the love that we have now is really meant for that somebody when in fact we have so much unchartered territories to discover and unravel? Is that love our single and only option to not lose hope in finding that somebody for us? Is that how we find our own somebody's somebody?

Only When I Sleep

Everyday I try to look for you,
Day by day I wait and long for you.
To be the sunshine of my night,
The star of my barren darkness.

You make my heart pound faster,
You make it smile like no other.
Knight you are in my life.
You're mine, but only when I sleep.

The smile, the hair and the whole demeanor,
Your scent makes me sigh, makes me soar.
The chinky eyes that sparkle like twin stars,
You're mine, but only when I sleep.

Time flies and love grows,
From nothing to simple infatuation,
I think this love is growing,
Love that is splendid but painstakingly impossible.

One of the days...

Still at work today... My third day of the five-day work-week. Same old, same old. Still hanging, but not getting anywhere. I really don't know where the wind would take me. So I don't want to make a long-term goal for myself.

I am at the point of my almost-mid-life crisis. I tend to compare myself to friends who have successfully penetrated and made a name for themselves on their respective fields. I never envied them. Envy is not in my vocabulary, at least not yet.

I am not one of the people who turns yellow and curse successful people. It is their choice to make, it is their dream. Success as it is, is a complex thing. Degrees of success vary with different kinds of people. Success for one may not necessarily be success for others. We define our "it". We define "it".

I have had success in my studies and it happenned so fast I didn't know it was "it" already. I made my mark and got it on my own. I guess in work, that's a different story. I have yet to take a hold of it. I am in my own state, my own ground. Not in a rush though, just on a look-out. Possibilities are endless, and in a world full of possibilities, nothing seems to be impossible.

I just have to be in that perfect time and perfect place. Impossible, ahm, yes, but do-able.

You don't know how much I am loving my job right now!!!

On my way to work earlier this evening (which by the way was around 10:30PM), I was not feeling it. I was not in the mood whatsoever to work and be a phone slave for eight hours. I just came from my days off, so it was understandable that I might have been experiencing a post-day-off experience. Well, let's just say there was nothing to anticipate now. There would be nobody to lighten up my woozy night. There would be nothing to anticipate. Absolutely nothing.

But as they say, when it rains, it pours. So when things go bad, they would really go bad. When things are otherwise, they're better, big time. On our way up to set-up our work station, pull up the systems we used, etc., we got an unexpected news. That information came from our friends who were supposedly taking in calls already for the ever-so-good program, the satellite radio. Our systems are down, not much calls. With no calls, that would mean no stress for us, especially me as I have been stressed out in dealing with customers who are basically devil incarnates, haha. Pun intended!

Breaktime...I have gone down with a friend, Dea. No inspiration still. And newsflash...Calls are normal again. So we are paid on what we are worth for, or even less. Time to do the carabao labor again, and start plowing the fields for productivity. Have to be that employee that does his best again and pretend every bit of my work is just a walk in the park, hehe.

Time to go to work. But anyhow, you don't know how much I am loving my work right now! Even for one bit, downtime was fun and just bonding with my colleagues are the best part of this experience.