Flying with a Broken Wing, MY STORY

After months of waiting, months of having to think and figure out what I wanted to do with my life, that it’s all taking its toll on me. I have not been the most productive person during those months, but I can and want to say that I perfectly know what I wanted to do with my life. I have straightened my priorities and I have a specific career – a career that somehow glitches its way away from me.

Reality bites. I have been telling everyone that I finally found a job to perfectly fit me - my needs and my wants. But still, no matter how hard I strive to get to it, or at least how much effort I put into it, my dream manages to escape and break away my walls of succession.

Here I am, stuck in a very old computer, writing about a story most of you would not even relate to or care to read. Who would have wanted to read a depressed twenty-year-old who is unemployed, confused and broken? Who would have wanted to shoulder other person’s misery when in fact that person could not handle his burden he hopes to unload? Who would want that? Who wants that?


I came from a family of four, from a middle class family. We don’t have much but we are happy with what we have. I have an older sister and I am the youngest in the family. Growing up, we were nurtured and we were guided accordingly. I can say that now I am a grown-up, I am very much instilled with good values.

I was a consistent honors student. Even in my early days, I was seen competing in quiz bees and inter-school competitions. Luckily, I won majority of them. Everyone knew that I was going to be the Valedictorian, the crème de la crème of the batch, which I became after six years of primary schooling. I did not feel the pressure growing up to accomplish the things that I accomplished. I was showered with love and care from my parents and my sister. I wanted to give them that prestige of having a son and a brother, who gave his best in the academic field since I was not the type to bring home medals from sports. I was lame. I was never athletic, that I knew for sure.

The sweep for academic excellence went on and on. I did have a rough start during my high school days but nevertheless got the second highest distinction from our batch. I was the class Salutatorian, and I knew that I made them proud. I pursued college and passed the UPCAT, and was eventually enrolled to the country’s top state university, University of the Philippines, where I took BA Art Studies (Interdisciplinary program) in three and a half years, which earned another academic distinction - cum laude. I knew that at that point, I could not even made them more proud of me. I did all of those for them more than for myself. At that point, I could have never felt more fulfilled in my life.

Right there and then, I thought it was enough to actually exceed my flaws and my shortcomings over those accomplishments. I never expected that it would raise the bar of expectations even more.

I requested and I told my parents that I would rest for a while since I graduated sooner than expected. They agreed and during that time, I was doing nothing for as long as I could remember – doing things I never got to explore more and never got to do since all I did was study and come home early, which were all on my own volition. They supported me all through out even if we were not as well off as the others. They were supportive. I got the best parents God could ever give me.

The time has come to face the real world, the corporate world. The dog-eat-dog world. I was the bait, a vulnerable fresh graduate seeking for employment. Lucky enough, I got to be employed in a call center, a top caliber call center in the Philippines, Etelecare International. The graveyard schedule and the routine work gave me the chills to pursue a different career. After nine months, I have had it. It was time to do a work different from the usual. All through out this time, my family remained very supportive, reminding me and guiding me of what I wanted to do but still letting me decide, somehow.

I got a second job from Thames International Business School, which became a ground for me to know a lot of friends and further my skills in mingling with people. I was assigned in the Admissions Department, helping applicants and future students during exams, interviews and enrolment. From that experience, I became multi-tasker times two. I loved the job but my boss was toxic, my immediate supervisor, that is. So no matter how hard I was trying to prove myself, politics overshadowed my performance, aside from the piles of work remained undone by those workers who became before me. There was no order, no system and could not endure having to deal with irate parents and callers everyday. For that, I resigned.

I got the job description that I wanted in my latest job. It was a dynamic industry, it was in the filed of publishing. A small company, I got exposed to different working environment. I got to meddle with fields I never knew existed. I enjoyed what I was doing. I loved it. I was molded and I got to realize my niche already. But as much as I wanted to pursue and stay, the company closed. The publisher decided to end and put a stop after the second issue. The second issue was never published, but I have heard that it will be published. I do now know when though.

I saw myself jobless again, an achiever not going anywhere. The irony of having to be brilliant but not having to find a job he wants. It was turmoil. It was chaos. It was a roller coaster emotional imbalance – of guilt, of frustration and of pressure.

I was once told that brilliance is never to be wasted. But here, brilliance is always wasted. My predicament was not as worse as the other, I know. I go for the job that I want, until this morning.

Upon waking up on a weekend, I heard a sermon from my mom, a constant reminder that I needed to do something with my life. A job that will pay the bills, she says. Times are hard, she explains. Not all things cannot be achieved according to your [my] way. I am very well aware that it was a sermon of concern other than a sermon of damnation. She was concerned, she was worried that I might end up with nothing and be nobody else. She was concerned with my welfare, like all moms and parents.

I have been loyal to my shepherd. In fact, I don’t say a word or justify anything when it comes to family concerns. I am submissive and I take things – sermons and reminders as they are. I embrace them. I don’t justify my actions or reason out with my family. I am but a sheep to a shepherd.

Sometimes, I wonder, if I were somebody who did not achieve so much academically, would it be easier for my parents to accept failure from me? Or does it really count? Is pressure lessened if I were a college drop out? Will I be understood? From where I stand?

Pressure pains me. I know it pains them, too to do that. But, I think it is about time to figure things out myself. Decide for myself for my own welfare – for decisions that only I would have to answer to when I fail or succeed. I am grateful for my parents, I really am. At times, one needs to extend and spread his wings to fly. A kid is taught to ride a bicycle with guidance but eventually, rides it on his own.

Sometimes, the best lessons are learnt when experienced. And no matter how many times I break my wings, I know I can fly again and soar even higher. After all, those wings are forged from my parents. I just need to learn how to use them on my own, no strings attached.